11/12/2011

Stupidity: Now Wireless

Story Sent in by Lisa:

Dinner with Joel went very well. He was a great conversationalist, and handsome to boot. Afterward, we took a walk through town, and he became strangely quiet and seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me.

"Is everything all right?" I asked him.

He said, "Yeah… okay, I'm just going to ask you: follow me to my car? I have something to show you." A strange request, but we were in public, so I followed him to his SUV.

He opened his rear driver-side door. A pile of blankets with a couple of pillows had been placed over the seats and resembled a small bed. He looked at me, and I looked back at him, waiting for an explanation.

He kept his eyes on me, and for almost a minute, we stood there in total silence. Finally, I asked, "What is this?"

"Hop in," he said.

"No thanks. What is this?"

"A little bed I made… for, you know, us."

I stepped back. "Why?"

"In case you wanted more than just, you know, dinner."

"Oh. Well, I don't, but thanks."

He kept the door open and his eyes on me. "I figured. Where do you live, though?"

"I'm not going to–"

"Because I can, you know, park outside and not come in and sleep near your house. Back here, in my car. You know, to get used to the idea."

"What idea?"

"Of us, you know, sleeping close to each other. If you're not ready for this yet," he pointed to his back seats, "then I'll understand. But I figured that at least one of us should have the foresight."

"Foresight? What are you talking about?"

He sighed, a big, long, lung-emptying sigh. He said, "When a man likes a woman, he wants to, you know…"

"Yes, I know!" I snapped, "But I don't think that this is the right way to go about it."

He asked, "Sleeping together isn't the right way to… sleep together? You imply that we should do it through the air? Wirelessly?"

I said, "I imply that we shouldn't do it at all!"

He said. "Oh. So I guess you're just wasting my time then." He slammed his car door closed, stomped to the driver's door, climbed in, slammed the door behind him, and floored it away. I'm not sorry at all to have disappointed him.

4 comments:

  1. Geez...how romantic ... Oy Vey!

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  2. Good gravy... What a creep. Makes me glad I'm a male, and only have to date crazy bitches. Crazy bitches > perverted creeps.

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  3. I don't know steve, I think I'd rather be able to walk away from a pervert than have a crazy girl stalking me or something crazier.

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  4. @Ashley: fun fact of hte day. Leaving aside the fact that there are more male stalkers than females, the real kicker is this: when women do stalk, it's very rare they do damage to their 'target', but are instead far more likely to go after someone who might rival them for their target's 'affections', like their new girlfriend, or a work college the stalker thinks they're getting too close to. Male stalkers are more likely to just get on with it and harm/kill the peron they're after. So if you're a man being stalked, your chances of survival are actually reasonably high!

    ReplyDelete

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