Not Everything Hot That Happens in Your Lap Is Good

Original Art by Craig Boldman - www.craigboldman.com
Story Sent in by Robert:

Mia and I had been dating for a couple of weeks when one date turned into a sleepover at her place. We had a great night and in the morning, I was awake first. I slipped out of bed and made us both some hot breakfast: eggs, coffee, and toast.

She woke up and when she arrived in the kitchen in her bathrobe, I told her, "Good morning!"

She frowned at everything I had prepared on the table. "What's all this?"

"Breakfast. Have a seat."

"Unnngh," she groaned, then flopped down at the table. She picked up her hot mug of coffee and sniffed it. She asked, "Is this tea?"

"Coffee," I said, "I can make you tea if you'd–"

The mug slipped out of her fingers and onto her lap. She screamed, jolted up, knocked into the table, parted her legs, did a weird sort of dance, and then shot me the most venomous look of disgust that I've ever experienced. She pointed at her lap and yelled, "Your fault!" then flew from the room and slammed a door.

I calmly walked after her, found the bathroom door shut, and knocked on it. No answer. I knocked again.

From the other side, there was a slam against the door. She shouted, "Get out!"

"Are you okay?" I asked.

She replied, "Get out or I'll murder you myself!"

I gathered my things, hastily finished my breakfast, and left. I wrote her an email to check in on her, but she never replied.


  1. Did you have her permission to make eggs, coffee, and toast in her kitchen? If someone I was dating for only two weeks went into my kitchen and cooked something without asking (even if it was for both of us,) I'd be really annoyed. Maybe she wasn't planning to feed you breakfast.

  2. ^ So, sleeping with a guy after only a few weeks is no problemo, but he'd better not have the AUDACITY to toast some of her bread!

    I guess I'm just old-fashioned...

    Anyhoo, reminds me of the joke, "Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?"


  3. If someone I had been dating for a couple weeks spontaneously made me breakfast I would be overjoyed. What I don't get is that she owned coffee, but couldn't recognize it in liquid form.

  4. Yeah, I agree with the last two commenters - a guy cooking breakfast for me is pretty awesome.

    I'm guessing she just decided she didn't like the guy and used the coffee thing as away out - or she's insane. Probably the later.

  5. He makes breakfast and that's annoying? Good thing he didn't pay her mortgage or send her kids through college. She'd throw him out a window.

  6. I'm with 5a9b, I'd be really annoyed if someone went into my kitchen without my permission and cooked my food. Especially because I don't eat eggs or toast in the morning, and the mere smell of them makes me feel sick.

  7. 5a9b and realworlddating are pretty cynical. Whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts"?

    That being said, I think she was hoping that he would be gone in the morning.

  8. While I don't usually allow others to cook in my kitchen it's the thought that counts. It was a nice gesture for OP to make breakfast for both of them in the morning. Mia could've handled it better if this annoyed her.

    I think theMediator got it when he said, she was probably expecting him to be gone in the morning.

  9. I agree with thepastryfascist, though, she could've handled it WAY better.

  10. Sleeping over is acceptable, but cooking breakfast is out of line? That is funny indeed. If I have an unspoken assumption in my head and other people don't know it, whose fault is it?

  11. I agree with churro. She really over-reacted and he should consider himself lucky he found out before they went too much further.

  12. Apparently 5a9b and "realworlddating" have never slept over before.

  13. Finding a date who is willing to cook breakfast for you is hard - in my experience, it's actually much easier to persuade somebody to sleep with you than it is to get her to cook for you. Even if the food wasn't exactly what she wanted, Mia's reaction seems pretty ungrateful.

  14. I wouldn't want anybody messing around in my kitchen without my permission. Then again, I wouldn't be spending the night with a man after only two weeks.

  15. ^ Loosen up Baku...and I mean that literally!

  16. I can see her side. Clearly, if OP hadn't made her coffee, she wouldn't have spilled it! It's not like she could have waited until she was alert enough to be able to hold up a mug or anything.

    That said, you shouldn't have stayed when she told you to leave. It is not your home.

  17. ^I really don't see him sitting down to finish it as he had originally planned - more, quickly shovel the eggs down, stick a piece of toast in there and leave.

    And I wouldn't have left before grabbing my stuff either.

  18. Food made using her ingredients in her kitchen isn't his stuff, though.

  19. Oh...yeah, I missed the gathering his things line. Disregard previous post.

  20. @5a9b and realworlddating -- whatsamatta, don't you like to feel cared for? That was a thoughtful thing the OP did

  21. She's a lunatic, some people wake up with a terrible mood in the morning..that doesn't excuse her behaviour.


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