11/18/2011

I Cup?

Story Sent in by Taryn:

Jason and I were out to dinner on our first date. He liked to tease, and I was equal to it. Our good-natured ribbing hit the common "men vs. women" denominator, and he hit me with the predictable, "Men can pee standing up. Case closed."

Not content to concede even a little, I said, "Some women have mastered that."

He laughed. "Have you?"

I lied, "Yes. It's a weird sort of squat, but–"

"You lie!" he said, "There's no possible way, at least not without considerable external help."

"I can do it. So there."

"Show me."

I snorted, confident that he was joking. "You wish," I said.

"No, really. It'll be just for proof. I won't touch you or watch you take a dump or anything. But if you say you can do it, you should be able to prove it."

"Seriously? No."

He grinned. "Then you're obviously full of it."

I said, "Okay, moving on…"

"Seriously. I want to see you prove it."

"Can we talk about something else?"

He sighed. "What do you want to talk about?"

I asked, "What are you going to be up to, next week?"

"Not watching you pee, obviously," he said.

"Drop it, Jason. I'm serious. I'm not going to let you watch."

"You make it sound so dirty," he said, "I have nothing but pure intentions. I swear I won't touch you. I just want to see you put your money where your mouth is."

I shrugged. "Sorry."

He replied, "You should be. All I want to do is see you prove a claim. You make it sound like I'm a sex offender."

I said, "Drop it or I walk."

"Oh yeah?" he leaned in, "Prove it."

I did. Lucky for both of us, he had the presence of mind to not follow me out. I was trembling with a mix of embarrassment and anger.

That night, wonder of wonders, an email arrived from him. He wrote, "Can you explain to me what exactly the problem was? I'm having some trouble figuring it out."

I must have written about a dozen potential responses, but I ended up not sending him anything. If he didn't get it while it was happening, he sure wouldn't get it based on anything I could've written to him.

32 comments:

  1. Unless you have a skirt on, I'd imagine this would be pretty difficult...

    And I have a feeling that he may have purposely steered the conversation to that direction because he has a fetish about that stuff.

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  2. http://www.femalefreedom.ca/, http://whizzy4you.com/, http://www.go-girl.com/. Capitalism has already solved all our problems! Thanks, Capitalism!

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  3. so... when you say "I did"... do you mean you proved it to him, or you walked? I'm still not quite clear on that.

    It's OK, you can tell me. It's not like I'm going to request pictures or anything. I have only pure intentions.

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  4. So... you lied, and when he called you on your lie, YOU got offended? Seriously??

    I don't know how you could even put this up. He was completely right, you were lying. Then you got indignant when he had the temerity to question your lie. Team Jason.

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  5. Why do you assume the op lied? There are women that can pee standing up without prosthetics.

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  6. Quote:

    He laughed. "Have you?"

    I lied, "Yes. It's a weird sort of squat, but–"

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  7. @Mellor:

    I think she became indignant when he, you know, asked to watch her urinate. I might be way off here, but that's my outlandish theory.

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  9. Nah I get that Jared, and if he had continued asking to see her pee after she said "OK you got me, I can't really pee standing up" I would be reading this story the same way you and everyone else seems to read it.

    But that is not what happened. Jason called bullshit, Jason was right about it being bullshit, and OP for some reason thought it was more important to stick to her I-can-pee-standing-up story than to find out whether he was joking. This reminds me of: "My fiance hired a private detective who caught me cheating. I can't believe my fiance doesn't trust me!!!"

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  10. You don't make a big deal out a friendly man vs. woman banter, being so agressive with a minor situation that you force a bend or break "I want to see you pee" situation out of misplaced words that OP might have said. The guy grabbed it and started taking it too far.

    Your example, Mellor, is incredibly out of proportion and your social priorities are hilariously misplaced. You must be one hell of an anal retentive individual.

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  11. Yeah, if you try to win an argument by claiming an extraordinary/borderline-impossible talent, then you should hardly be surprised to be expected to prove it.

    If someone were arguing with me and I blurted out "Oh yeah, well I can levitate objects with my mind, so there!" then I'd be absolutely shocked if the response is anything other than "Ok, so prove it."

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    Replies
    1. Women peeing standing up isn't borderline impossible, from what I understand. I know several who say they can do it -- and have offered to teach the skill to others, which suggests that they're telling the truth.

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  12. Can't we compromise? The OP is a liar and Jason is a pervert. That way EVERYONE's happy.

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  14. ^ No wolfdreams, because it is perfectly possible for the OP to be telling the truth.

    @ Andrew and Mellor: It is perfectly possible for a woman to pee standing up. Not standing in FRONT of the toilet seat the way a man does it of course, but possible by sort of standing/squatting OVER the toilet seat. Anybody who can not comprehend this is an idiot.

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  15. *sigh* Here you go, Andrew and Mellor. I don't get why the concept is so damn unbelievable, but here's how to pee standing up when you don't have a dick.

    http://www.wikihow.com/Urinate-Standing-up-As-a-Female

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  16. Did anyone else here see The Full Monty? No? Just me? 'Kay then.

    Team OP, by the way. Even if the OP was lying, insisting over and over again that she prove herself by letting you watch her pee is doltish and rude.

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  17. Ha! Thanks, Rawr. I am now more educated!

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  18. Guys, I'm aware that some women can pee standing up, and never ever suggested I believed otherwise. What I'm saying is that Jason's bullshit detector went off, and correctly.

    Holy LToledo, people do not always literally mean the words they say. Like comparing an indignant liar to a cheating fiance, or asking someone to prove it when they make a claim you know is bullshit. People sometimes joke or exaggerate for comic effect. For a site that says "Let's laugh" at bad dates, a lot of the commenters seem disproportionately more likely to scream "OMG PERVERT" at the slightest offence than laugh. Blame your cynicism all you want. I blame you forgetting that the people in these stories are real people and that like real people, they don't always judge the other person's mood correctly - both OP and Jason are at fault in that respect.

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  19. ^ OK, so you admit that it is possible for a woman to pee standing up. Fine.

    Your insistence that the OP was lying makes no sense. If indeed you agree that woman can pee standing up, I don't understand how you know the OP is lying? Because she wouldn't consent to letting a guy watch her pee to prove it so you could be satisfied?

    Lastly, get off your high horse.

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  20. ^I have to defend Mellor here. he is not simply giving you his opinion on whether he thinks the OP lied, he cut and pasted her exact words that she lied (go back and reread it). whether OP really believes that women can pee standing up or not, she herself lied about her own ability to do it. that is Mellor's point, i believe.

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  21. Thanks Angie, I don't mind people disagreeing with me but I do wish they would read the story and my comments before doing it.

    Yes Baku, it was *OP* that said she was lying, and then I quoted her. Here it is again to save you scrolling "I lied, "Yes. It's a weird sort of squat, but–"

    But thank you for the personal attack about my "high horse" - or you know, my ability to read.

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  22. ^ Okay then, my mistake. I am in fact capable of eating humble pie (And reading. It is possible to misread something). However, I stand by the "high horse" comment. Your condescending tone is what pissed me off more than anything else. So, yes, I was wrong, but I still think you need to stop being a dick and get off your high horse.

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  23. Yeah I figured. You didn't bother checking out the basis of my opinion, you just didn't like my tone.

    My issue is not that you misread, because I do believe you're a human, if not a particularly nice one (I'd like to be a big enough person to leave that sentence out but I'm human too).

    My issue is that I don't see how you could have read my second comment at all before attacking me. It contained no tone at all since it was only a quote from the article and in direct response to a person thinking that I was making assumptions, which is what your comment was supposed to be about before it became about how I'm a dick because you don't like the way I write.

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  24. Condescending? That's cute. Bottom line is there was a comment about apples and you want to talk about oranges. Next time someone asks you about the weather and you start talking about the migratory habits of arctic terns, I hope you don't accuse them of being all condescending when they ask wtf you're talking about.

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  25. Jason may have gone too far in wanting her to prove it but OP seems a little too competitive to me, Lying just to not 'lose' a minor disagreement is not worth the time, she was probably counting on Jason's sense of decency to hold him back from calling "liar!" but she wasn't counting on him being similarly competitive!

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  26. Woah, this discussion has gotten out of hand. The OP said in her story that her date liked to tease, and her claim that she could pee standing up was nothing more than good old teasing banter. The fact that he did a 180 and went from playful teasing to becoming dead serious when she teased him was unexpected. She had a right to be offended, and his asking her to prove it was rude and disgusting.

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  27. Agreed ˆ.

    To me it is very clear that she is joking, plus the subject is so unimportant that it really, really shouldn't be the reason for 2 (half sane) people to seriously fight about this sort of crap. I like teasing people (specially my dear husband) and I love to come up with the most preposterous, blatantly obvious lies just for the fun of coming up with the inevitably ridiculous explanations of how it they could be true (somehow). I know that I'm lying, he knows that I'm lying and the whole point is just to be silly.

    To actually get combative and demand proof in an aggressive way is pretty ridiculous when you should know that it's all a big joke - that's actually the time when you should be trying out-lie your opponent, not the time to demand any kind of proof!

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  28. Long story short, his brain misfired when he thought there might be a chance to see some vag IRL. It happens.

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  29. ^ Too true. Sometimes I grieve for my own gender's willingness to compromise our integrity and even good judgement just for the chance to score, but then I remind myself that at least the divorce stories tend to be funny. ;-)

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  30. As a married man myself, I find divorce stories more upsetting than anything else. For ones that last less than 2-3 years, how could they have thought getting married was a good idea?

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