11/30/2011

A Bad Smurf of the Smurfs

Story Sent in by Lisa:

Pete and I were walking together on our third date. We had planned to spend the day strolling through Central Park, grab a light lunch, then take in a museum, then dinner, and then we'd play it by ear. I was very excited to see him again, and it appeared as if we were progressing together very well.

As we ambled down a path and spoke, he took my hand. I said, "It sounds like you've moved around a lot. How many states have you lived in?"

"Five, for measurable stretches," he said, "I–" and he froze and stared at the path before us.

I glanced ahead. Nothing was there but a slight breeze.

I asked, "Pete? What's wrong?"

He let go of my hand, screamed, "Smurf!" then tore ahead on the path and dove into a clump of nearby bushes.

I ran after him. He struggled his way through the shrubs and I yelled, "Pete! What are you doing?"

"Smurf! Smurf!" he yelled back, dragging himself deeper into the greenery. His feet were still sticking out, and I pulled back on one of them, but he jerked away and pulled himself deeper in.

"Pete!" I stood there and yelled after him, "Pete!"

I felt like an idiot, and other people were passing by and looking. I heard him scuff and scrape around until he said, "Damn it… damn it."

Pete crawled out of the bushes the same way he had entered. His clothing was a mess, and his face was streaked and filthy. He brushed himself off.

"Sorry about that," he said, then cleared his throat and went on, "We moved away from Florida as soon as we could, then my parents moved us to Pennsylvania, then, as you know, my folks split, and so I–"

"Pete, what the hell? Smurfs?"

"What about them?"

I pointed to the bushes. "What the hell was that all about?"

"What?" he glanced at the shrubs, "Oh! That." He shrugged. "Sometimes I see Smurfs. I don't know. Too much TV growing up, I guess."

He took my hand and we walked on. He didn't mention another word about his Smurfy escapade, and it creeped me out enough to make me end the date shortly after lunch.

6 comments:

  1. This is what happens when you spend too much time in New York.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Acid flashbacks are a bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Everyone knows Muggles can't see Smurfs.

    ReplyDelete
  5. A grown man yells "Smurf" and dives into nearby bushes. That just made my day.

    ReplyDelete

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