10/28/2011

When Dead Grandma Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy

Story Sent in by David:

I arrived at the restaurant where I had planned to meet Louise for our first date. She called me to let me know that she'd be late. She said, "I lost one of my earrings, and it was a gift from my grandmother."

I replied, "Don't worry about it. Let me know when you leave your house."

"I'm not at home. I'm actually right around the corner from the restaurant."

I guessed that she had lost the earring in her car. I said, "Oh. Why don't I come by, then? I can help you find it."

"Thanks," she said, and told me precisely where to find her.

When I made it there, she was stooping over a curb. I joined her. "Hey," she said, "I had an itch behind my left ear and it just popped out. It matches this one," and she turned to show me the earring in her right ear, a short, dangling charm that looked like a tiny, round chandelier.

I scanned the gutter and curb with her, but there was no sign of it. About six feet away was a sewer grate. I pointed at it. "Could it have rolled in there?"

She shook her head. "No. My grandmother wouldn't let that happen."

"I'm sorry?"

"My grandmother is watching me." She pointed up at the sky. "She wouldn't let me lose one of her earrings. It's around here somewhere."

We looked and looked and looked for it, but after I had checked and rechecked everywhere in the vicinity, I had to surmise that it had somehow rolled into the sewer.

"No," Louise said when I brought it up again, "It's around here somewhere. I'll find it, but I can't really leave here without it. I'm sorry."

I was pretty sure that it had to have been in the sewer. It wasn't anywhere else. I said, "I don't see it anywhere. Maybe we could–"

Louise called up to the sky, "Grandma, where is it? Show me where you hid it! Quit playing."

"Louise, I really think it's in the sewer. We checked up and down the sidewalk, in the street, under the cars… are you sure you dropped it right here?"

"Positive. Don't worry, though. Grandma will show me where it is. You'll be sorry that you doubted her, then." She looked back up at the sky. "Come on, Grandma. Make him sorry."

I didn't like the idea of Louise suddenly invoking supernatural retribution upon me. I suggested, "Maybe we can go have dinner and then come back? It might still be light out when we return."

She crawled onto her stomach and peered beneath the same car under which we had looked about 30 times each. "Come on, Grandma," she whispered, "Show me where it is. Make him sorry, Grandma. Show me where it is."

"Louise, come on, please."

She spoke over me, "Come on, Grandma. Show it to me. Prove him wrong. We'll find it together. Come on. Come on." It sounded like she was going to cry. She went on, "It's not in the sewer, is it, Grandma? You wouldn't do that. You love me too much. Get it back for me, Grandma. Then, we'll laugh at him together." Louise laughed in a high pitch and flashed me a wide-eyed, insane look.

I left her there, searching. Once I made it back to my car and locked the door, I hurried away and was sure to never interact with her ever again.

13 comments:

  1. When someone seriously states that a ghost (or some kind of supernatural being) has a direct and intentional effect in this world, that's when you walk away.

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  2. I know someone who constantly invokes the dead. To be honest, I don't think this girl sounds crazy enough.

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  3. Honestly, invoking grandma's ghost was weird but if I lost the necklace my grandmother gave me before she passed away, there's no way I'd go anywhere before I found it. I wouldn't tell her to make him sorry, but suggesting they go to dinner because "it might still be light out" after was really insensitive.

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  4. @BD

    I got the same feeling towards the end.

    @RWD

    Based on the story, he only suggested they go to dinner after she started talking to her grandma in the sky and vaguely threatening him. If his intent was to get her away from the situation outside and see if she returned to normal in the restaurant, I don't fault the guy at all.

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  5. If granny really cared was really watching, she wouldn't have let it fall off in the first place.

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  6. I agree with theMediator here. They'd pretty clearly established that it couldn't have been anywhere else but the sewer, and she was obviously panicking, so stepping away from the situation and having a meal was a perfectly reasonable suggestion.

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  7. OP was a little toolish here. When your would-be date is not dealing with a simple situation rationally, instead saying that she wants the ghost of her dead grandma to make you sorry, that's when you cut your losses and leave, not say, "Louise, come on, please..."

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  8. I love how the OP suggests that they go for dinner and look later, as if that would actually increase their chances. The girl may have been crazy, but the OP was insensitive and self-centered.

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  9. I agree with Howie - clearly her dead grandmother hated her. Or worse, was trying to ruin the date so that SHE could make a move on the OP!

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  10. @B-C, it was a first date and she was tangling him up in some heavy drama. He was probably thinking, correctly, the earring is either in the sewer or somewhere else entirely, and if I can get this woman to dinner we might get something good out of this mess and she might give up the earring hunt. It's called Scenario Fulfillment. Besides, if he had indulged her earring obsession and/or tolerated her meanness, she'd likely have blown him off for being too nice. The date was doomed from the start.

    If they'd been together for awhile, against his better judgment, I'd agree with you.

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  11. ^ First off, I sincerely doubt going out to dinner would make her forget about the earring. It was very important to her. Women aren't so easily distracted.

    Second, that thing about her blowing him off for being too nice is flat-out bullshit. I bet you're one of those losers who thinks all women like assholes and you're just SUCH a nice guy! How could they not be interested in you?

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  12. ^ Baku, I disagree with this from firsthand experience. I used to be an incredibly sweet guy and never had any luck with women; I was always the "good friend". It wasn't until I started becoming more assertive and set expectations for the people around me that my love life improved substantially. Granted one person's experience is simply anecdotal evidence, but I've heard similar stories from many other guy friends.

    That said, I agree that it was unreasonable to expect her to ditch the earring. When it became clear that they couldn't find it, he should have simply rescheduled the date.

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