10/26/2011

Twinkie, Twinkie, Little Star

Story Sent in by Misty:

On my way to meet Alvin for our first date, he texted me, "You like Twinkies?"

I wrote back, "When I was younger. Why?"

He didn't respond, but when I met him in front of the restaurant where we had planned to have dinner, he asked, "Can we make a quick pit stop?"

We went into a nearby gas station to look for Twinkies. They didn't have any. We then walked a few blocks further to a grocery store. They had Twinkies there. He bought a box.

"I want Twinkies tonight," he explained. That much was clear. As for myself, I wanted dinner, but we had already established online what I thought was a good enough rapport for me to indulge his junk food craving for a little bit before dinner.

He led me to his car, he opened the trunk, put the Twinkies inside, closed it, and we returned to the restaurant.

All seemed well until our drinks were served. I had a diet pop, he had a Sprite. He took a sip of his drink, then said, "Damn, I want a Twinkie now. Be right back."

He slipped out of the booth and left the restaurant, presumably, to grab a Twinkie from his trunk. My mood shifted from, "Oh, Alvin… so silly in his quest for Twinkies!" to "I hope that this doesn't significantly affect the quality of our date any more than it already has."

He returned and said, "That hit the spot. So, how was work today?"

I discussed my day with him, looked at the menu, and when the waitress came by again, we ordered. I then asked him, "What do you have planned for the weekend?"

"Excuse me," he said, then left the restaurant again.

When he came back, I asked him, "Did you seriously go and eat another Twinkie?"

"Yes," he confessed, "But only one."

I said, "You want to maybe wait until after dinner to eat any more?"

He sighed. "That depends on you."

"Me? How does it depend on me?"

He asked, "Do you have any plans for the summer?"

I persisted. "How does your eating of Twinkies relate back to me?"

He said, "Can we just move past it? The more we talk about them, the more I'll want another."

I said, "Fine," and we talked about our respective summer plans.

Our food arrived. He stood up and said, "You know what would go great with this?"

I frowned at him, and without waiting for my answer, he left again. I started on my dinner. When he returned, he had a smile.

"I got smart," he said, "I brought some in with me. A little crushed, though."

As I watched, he pulled one out and spread its crumby bits all over his dinner, which was a roasted half-chicken. He didn't glance up at me once as he dug in. It didn't make me lose my appetite, but it came close.

He finally looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry, I'm being rude." He then handed me another Twinkie from his pocket. "Try it on your wrap," he suggested.

"No thanks."

He stuffed it back in his pocket and we ate our dinners in relative silence. After dinner, we left the restaurant and he said, "Look, I'm sorry about the Twinkies. It must have seemed weird."

"It kind of was," I said, "You must really like them."

"Oh…" he said, then quivered slightly, reared his head back, and belched a mighty burp, right into my face. I cried out and jumped away. "That answer your question?" he asked with a smile.

"That you're a complete idiot, yes!" I yelled, and stormed back to my car.

"It was from Twinkies! It smelled sweet! Come on!" he called after me, but I was done with that loser.

11 comments:

  1. It smelled sweet! Ha. Loser.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What is it with some of these people and indulging their insane food cravings ON the date?? First there was that girl with orange soda, and I think there were a couple more too. Yeeks.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Do we need to write some kind of etiquette book full of incredibly obvious rules for civil behaviour? ABCotD is leading me to believe this is necessary.

    Rule 1:

    No matter how pleasing you believe the scent of your stomach gases to be, do not belch in your date's face.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Come on, in no way was this a serious attempt at a date on Alvin's part. They met, he didn't like her for whatever reason, so he decided to have some fun instead.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think that many of the people who act this insane in real life have never been properly put in their place.

    ReplyDelete
  6. God knows why she stayed throughout the entire date...

    ReplyDelete
  7. ^^ yeah, that's pretty much what i meant to say, Tom ^^

    ReplyDelete
  8. But is the meal really free if you have to suffer through ridiculousness like that for it?

    ReplyDelete
  9. I've never had a Twinkie...But I highly doubt they're that good.

    ReplyDelete
  10. ^Twinkies exist to make Burger King, KFC and McDonald's look like wise choices, but they can be delicious if that's your thing.

    ReplyDelete

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.