10/31/2011

There Goes the Bride

Story Sent in by Samantha:

Dinner with Gene was one of the most awkward things that I'd ever had to sit through. For one thing, he didn't blink. At least, if he did, then I never caught him doing it. His profile pictures, in retrospect, were all shots of him either in sunglasses or squinting into the sun, so I didn't realize how much his eyes bugged out until we met in person, but let me tell you that he made Don Knotts look like Leonardo DiCaprio. I wouldn't even have minded, but his eyes were trained on me from dinner's start to finish.

Even physical curiosities aside, I could have forgiven that if not for his probing questions about my last relationship. He asked, "How soon after you started dating did you start oral?" right after he asked, "How did the two of you meet?" for crying out loud.

After dinner, we walked in relative silence to a nearby mall. We passed a few stores and made it to a bridal boutique. He stopped and stared at a pale yellow dress in the front display.

He said, "That's the dress I'd want my wife to wear. Something not white. Everyone gets married in white. My wife's dress will be different."

Before I could respond, he asked, "Would you try it on?"

I replied, "No. Of course not. I don't think we're getting married."

It was an unfortunate choice of words, and I should have added, "anytime soon," but at least I was honest. He did not like honesty, and he asked, "You seriously won't just try it on?"

"No."

He smiled and said, "If you won't, I will."

I laughed out loud and said, "Go right ahead!"

"You dare me?"

"No. I'd like to just move on."

He looked into the store, then at me, then back into the store. He walked into the store, up to the front counter. I thought that leaving him there would be extreme and childish, but he was being extreme and childish, and I wasn't having a good time, so I entered the store and told him, "I'm leaving. It was nice meeting you."

He turned to me and asked, "You're not going to stay to see me try it on? It's just for fun."

"I think it's pointless. If it'll make you happy, then go for it."

"It'll make me happy. You dared me, after all. If you leave, I'll send you pictures."

"Bye."

I left. He sent me very badly edited photos of model brides in various dresses with his own head superimposed over their own. It creeped me out beyond belief, and I'm so very glad that it was our only date.

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