10/25/2011

Hey Babe, the Sky's on Fire

Profile Sent in by Dick:

Who I'm looking for:

Woo boy. I can make a list of who I'm NOT looking for:

1. Parents. If you already had a kid, then you obviously loved someone enough to make love to them, and then I'll always be wondering if you loved them (or your kid(s)) more than me. Not interested!

2. Unemployed. Economy's bad, I'll give you that. Still, you can find something if you look hard enough. Don't be lazy. You want fries with that? You know what I'm saying.

3. Don't be from the Carolinas. Long story. Short version: if you're from the Carolinas, then I'm sorry, but best of luck elsewhere. On second thought, you want a femur? I have two of them for you. Just kidding. Get lost.

5 comments:

  1. Ah yes, the classic bitter dating profile.

    Always an art form to itself, this profile is characterized by overt anger, lack of empathy, a touch of narcissism (had to look up this word) and a final pitch of cannibalism (I know this word well) to round out the deal and make things scary and weird.

    Sorry for the run on sentence, but this was the wrong day to quit drinking.

    Anyhoos, this dude is a Lady Killer! Who wouldn't want to gnaw on the bones of one's date?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I meant to say "pinch of cannibalism."

    I guess this was the wrong day to stop sniffing glue...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Such a teaser, not giving us the full story, now I have to write my own story involving femurs and the Carolinas.
    I guess this was the wrong day to quit amphetamines...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Talk about being completely out-of-tune with the outside world. "You want fries with that?" Didn't she hear about how McDonald's was hiring and there were lines AROUND THE FRIKKIN' BLOCK of people desperate for even a McJob--and most of them were turned away? What is it about people that they think that in what is beginning to approach a Second Great Depression that McJobs are as easy to get and as numerous as they were in better economic times?

    Let me guess--she's one of those special people who hasn't been directly affected by this mess, and so she has no idea how bad it really is out there. It's people like that who are the reason some people remain unemployed--that attitude of "I don't care about the circumstances of reality, I know perfectly well that you wouldn't be unemployed if you didn't deserve it--and so, to punish you, I will not employ you and will limit hiring only to the currently-employed". I would love to see every single person with this attitude find out exactly what they've put others through, except that would probably only extend the current woes even further on people who don't deserve it, plus morons like this would never learn, a la "The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion" (Well, yes, I can't find work, but in my own case it's because of the economic times and not because I'm inherently inferior and therefore morally undeserving of being unemployed, because I'm in a special category and totally not like all the other people in my exact same circumstances."

    Honey, you are part of the problem....

    ReplyDelete

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