10/01/2011

Dark Envelope of Wonders

Story Sent in by Rob:

Amy and I met at a college party. She had shoulder-length brown hair and was rather short. We had a good time talking, and after I was armed with her number, I called to ask her out. Everything seemed cut and dry: we made plans for a forthcoming Friday night, and we agreed to meet at a restaurant.

I was there first and sat down in a booth. The appointed time of our date came and went. I called her up and it went to voicemail. I waited around and drank water for almost a half-hour before I tried her again. Still no answer.

I was worried but I didn't know what else to do. I accepted the fact that I was likely stood up, and I thought that I'd give her another five or so minutes when my waitress approached my table with a long white envelope.

She handed it to me and said, "Someone just dropped this off for you."

I took it, then stood up and asked, "Did she have shoulder-length brown hair and was she short?"

The waitress replied, "Yes."

I thanked her and ran out of the restaurant, hoping to catch Amy. By the time I made it out to the sidewalk, there was no sign of her, and I wasn't going to run up and down the streets to find her. She had dropped off that envelope, and so all that was left was to read the likely rejection letter inside.

However, there was no rejection letter within. Instead, there was a small horde of dark, curly hairs.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed, then found the closest trash and tossed the whole thing. As I stomped down the sidewalk, back towards my home, I called Amy again. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I had opened her "message," so I said into her voicemail, "Thanks for the envelope. I threw it away without opening it because I'd rather hear what you have to say directly from you. That would be the brave thing for you to do, anyway."

Of course, I never heard back from her. Thinking about that nasty envelope surprise still makes me shudder.

6 comments:

  1. "I threw it away without opening it" doesn't sound at all believable. You shouldn't even have mentioned the envelope.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nothing says come hither like an envelope filled with pubic hair. He missed his chance (and dodged a bullet).

    ReplyDelete
  3. An envelope of pubic hair, a bottle of wine, and thou...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Before reading the comments I assumed it was hair from her head. Now I understand the revulsion.
    What a way to dump someone.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Op missed a perfect chance to make a voodoo doll...

    ReplyDelete
  6. ...maybe she just likes pubic displays of affection.

    ReplyDelete

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