9/13/2011

Unsportsmanlike Conduct

Story Sent in by Cheryl:

Caleb wrote me online and he came across, at first, as a funny, respectful guy. He was really into sports, but he also was a graphic artist, combining his love of athletics with photography. I was impressed with his work and we went out to dinner together.

From the moment we sat down, we talked at length about his passion. He said, "Every athlete has attractive qualities. Baseball, track, even sumo."

I smiled at his words and joked, "What about female sumo wrestlers? Do you find them attractive?"

"I'm a breast guy, myself," he said. "Some are ass men, some are thigh guys, but I'm a tits boy, through and through."

I stared. "I'm sorry. What?"

"I said I'm not an ass man. That's what you were asking me, right?"

I laughed and said, "No. I just joked about female sumo wrestling."

"Yeah. Give me tits, all the way." He opened his mouth, tilted his head up, and wagged his tongue around, as if suckling at a juicy teat. Hmmm.

I looked away with a smile and said, "Anyway... um, I really liked your pictures."

"What's your size?" he asked, "I can fit snugly around a c-cup. That's what I'd guess you are."

"Okay, enough about breasts."

"Why? Everyone has them."

I replied, "Everyone has personal problems, too, but I don't go whipping those out on a first date."

He glanced at my chest and asked, "You gonna whip 'em out?"

"No."

"Oh."

Silence. He drummed his fingers on the table, then said, "Okay," stood up, and left me at the restaurant. We hadn't ordered food yet, but we had ordered drinks. I paid for mine and asked the manager if I could leave her Caleb's number in exchange for his beer. She was really cool and allowed me to do that.

Whether she ever acquired the money from him, I don't know. I haven't heard from Caleb or been back to that place, since.

7 comments:

  1. Whenever I read stories like these I think of Megan Fox's character in Transformers in that scene where she says, "I guess I have a weakness for guys with big arms and tight abs..."

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  2. Thigh guys? That's weird.
    I like me a good armpit

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  3. I guess when you're consistently a bad date you're quicker to notice when you've f-ed things.

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  4. After the imaginary tit sucking, I can't believe she actually tried to have a conversation with this guy.

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  5. Maybe it was a ploy on his part to get a free drink. :)

    ReplyDelete

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