9/19/2011

One Grape Short of a Bunch

Story Sent in by Sean:

Alyssa and I spoke online for a little while and it was during one such exchange that she told me that she liked red grapes very, very much. We set up a first date, and I thought it would be a fun thing to wrap a single red grape up like an elaborate gift, complete with wrapping paper and bows. A quick joke, and evidence that I actually listened when she spoke. Or wrote.

On the night of our date, after our introductory hellos, I handed her a box several times the size of the content within.

"Ooh, a present? You didn't have to get me anything," she said, but tore into the box as eagerly as Christmas morning. She sifted through the inner wrapping and pulled out, lovingly wrapped in plastic, the single red grape.

The smile that had plastered her face a moment before was swept away. "It's a grape," she said.

"You like red grapes," I reminded her, "That one's for you."

"Just one grape?" She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Hope you didn't break the bank on that one."

"It's a joke," I told her, "I have more red grapes if you want."

"I guess I'm just worth one grape to you," she said gravely as she walked to a nearby trash bin and deposited the paper, ribbons, and box. "When I see a big box, I expect something nice inside."

"I know. I was just kidding around. Just like you are, now. I hope."

She said, "Not really. You really got my hopes up over a grape. Do you honestly consider that a worthy gift?"

"It was just a joke. I was planning to take you out to dinner, and I have more red grapes if you want."

She wasn't really listening, anymore. She said, without a trace of sarcasm, "Did you really think this was a sweet gesture? I mean, yes, I like grapes, but one all wrapped up in a box? That's like something a two-year-old would do for his mother. One little red grape? Come on. I think I deserve better than that."

"If you just shut up about the grape, which was obviously a joke, then maybe we could move on and do dinner. What do you think?"

She gave me a nice, long stare, then said, "I think I'm going home." She then actually ate the grape, then turned and left. I'm glad that my gift gave her at least some pleasure.

25 comments:

  1. Wonder if she wanted cheese with that whine.

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  2. Oooh I was wondering if you knew,

    about her plans to make you blue,

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  3. I'm adding that one to the "OP deserved it" pile.

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  4. realworlddater: What the fuck?

    It was a cute little joke, FFS.

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  5. ^^ Seriously? It was a joke! He was going to take her out to dinner anyway so it's not like she would walk away with nothing but a grape!

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  6. Looks like she showed him the "grapes of wrath!!"

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  7. Realistically, this did seem a little juvenile and I think you should have been prepared for her disappointment. This effort would only have worked if she had the same sense of humor you.

    There are a few things you can do to impress a date that show that you share her interests or at least care enough to try them, but most of them are activities.

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  8. Personally, I think bringing her grapes was a cute idea, but making her unwrap them like they were a present was likely to lead to disappointment. I would have brought a cute fruit basket with a bow. That would have been just as funny and not disappointing. On the other hand, she was a total jerk about it. Most adults have learned to deal with mild disappointment without totally losing their shit.

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  9. Im with BethZebra... red grapes would have been nice but the guy knew she'd get her hopes up. If he put it in a little box then maybe the shock wouldn't have been so bad, but putting it in a large box gave her the idea that it was something decent. :/ yah she was a bitch about it, but no more than the OP was a douche about everything else. "If you shut up about the grape...then i'll do such n such..." is manipulative wording.

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  10. Taking a single grape and wrapping it up like a present to "prove" you were listening does carry the distinct vibe of "trying too hard". Especially on a first date when you aren't sure how her sense of humor is tuned. That said, she overreacted like a jerk.

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  11. There's definitely some blame deserved on both sides of this one. Yes, she sounds like she could go out for a spot on the Olympic Overreaction Team, but the OP did start it. Gag gifts are only okay when it's someone you've known for a long time and are sure won't react the wrong way... like those "over the hill" gags people bring to 30th/40th birthday parties--funny when you're among friends, but any guy who brings one of those on a first date is a world-class jerk.

    Besides, ultimately, the last thing you want a date to feel after a first encounter is disappointment... which is bad enough when it happens by accident, let alone when it's deliberately cultivated.

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  12. Yeah, I do agree that putting it in a big box was dumb; he should have put it in a little tiny box, but she definitely overreacted.

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  13. It was funny and cute. OP is definitely better off. She sounds like she would have preferred a bunch of grapes, peeled and fed to her one at a time.

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  14. Team OP here.

    His date was obviously a materialistic douchebag of cuntwhore with no sense of humor.

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  15. I'm with the OP, it was a funny and cute idea spoiled by an ungrateful date with no sense of humour. Brad has it right, OP dodged a materialistic bullet.

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  16. I'm not sure I've ever said this before, but I'm with the date on this one. I don't think she was materialistic - I think OP was an idiot. I get that he meant it as a joke, but that doesn't make him any less stupid. Of course she got her hopes up. Could've just wrapped the thing in a ribbon but NOOOO.... had to be a big box making her think she got an actual present. OP is a dickhead.

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  17. I'd like to hear the rebuttal story from the grape's pov.

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  18. "OP is a dickhead"

    Ridiculous. It was a cute joke. Who would expect a big expensive present on a first date? It would be completely inappropriate. His date clearly had no sense of humour.

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  19. If I had received this on a first date, I would have been disappointed that I got one lousy grape in a box that looks like an actual present. That being said, I would have taken the disappointment gracefully and not let it ruin the date. Team They're Both Idiots.

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  20. It was a silly joke, and he should have expected a negative reaction.

    That said, people who say things like "Do you honestly consider that a worthy gift?" with a straight face are generally horrible human beings, so it's OK to mistreat them.

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  21. She didn't expect a big expensive present on the first date, hence her excitement and surprise. Way to read the post, genius. Also "actual" present doesn't mean "expensive" present. Way to read my comment before commenting on it. Like I said (did you read this part at least?) the joke would have been perfectly fine if he wrapped it in something like a ribbon. Speaking as someone whose parents thought the whole "small decoy present in a giant box" trick was the ultimate in hilarity, I'm sticking to siding with the date here.

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  22. ^ I think the only time it's acceptable to pull that trick is when there's an engagement ring inside. Makes the surprise even better XD

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  23. ^ Well, of course. But that would mean there was actually something worthwhile in the box.

    His joke was kind of like the parents that put clothes inside of a xbox/playstation box then laugh at their kids while they cry.

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  24. Ellendra - I think trying to hard would of been a decent presant inside of a big box on the first date. She obviously expected something decent, what did she think she was gonna get on a first date? Jewelry? She overreacted and lemmi guess she probably puts online that shes ''Very easy going with a sense of humor''.. Lol OP's better off without her i don't think she got the humor and i dont think he knew what he was doing, it is kinda random i mean if i opened up a decent size gift with a grape wrapped up i would of been dumbfounded.

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