There Are Pesticides in the Grass

Profile Sent in by Clifton:

About me:

I have a deep love for great cheddar cheese, motorbikes, and ravens. I also eat grass whenever I can. It's all around us. Why not?

I've been to five colleges. None have been good enough for me. I want to start my own in which I teach nobility and razor sharp wit!

I think I may be the (re)incarnation of a famous writer! I know languages well. No substance abuse here, nor do I tolerate any!

I may or may not account for every minute you spend/don't spend with me. Nothing personal. Just my personality! I've learned to protect myself! If you're not with me and you don't account for it, I assume you're with another woman. Nothing personal! Just how I run things! Don't be an asshole and we'll get along fine! Don't like it! Eat it!


  1. Obviously a brief stay at 5 colleges didn't teach this idiot that humans can't digest grass.

  2. or that overuse of exclamation points are obnoxious.

  3. I *also* love a great sharp cheddar, and the Ravens are my favorite football team. However, I don't assume that if you aren't in my line of sight, you're fucking other women (or men). Just my personality!!!

  4. Holy shit, keep this one away with fire! Having to submit written and photographic evidence of where you were at all times is pure, distilled, insanity.

    Have to set up cameras when you're sleeping to prove that, and god help you if you leave the room in the middle of the night to use the restroom.

  5. As some creatures in nature adorn bright colors to inform the world that they are probably toxic and shouldn't be eaten, some people on dating sites have this kind of crap in their profiles to inform the world that they shouldn't be dated.


Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.