8/13/2011

Roughage and Tumble

Story Sent in by Walter:

Gina worked in an orthodontist's office. I met her when I drove a friend there for a checkup. She and I struck up a conversation, and it ended with her giving me her number. I asked her out to dinner, and soon enough, there we were.

We had a decent talk and she seemed interesting enough. Then, our food came, and with it, her side of mashed potatoes.

She asked me, "Want to see something neat?"

"Sure."

She then shoveled spoonful after spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth. She was like a steam shovel, and when I thought she couldn't fit any more within, she opened her maw even wider and forced more inside.

"What are you doing?" I finally asked her after a minute and a half.

"Mmmf glggggh," she replied, then lowered her face down, over her place, and the mashed potatoes evacuated themselves from her mouth, like a water balloon slowly filling at a tap.

Finally, when her potato mound was complete, she looked up at me with a smile. "See? I made a perfect mold of the inside of my mouth."

"Terrific. Why?" I asked.

She replied, "I work in an orthodontist's office. I'm always thinking of stuff like that," and she laughed.

"Okay," I said.

She then speared some green beans with her fork and mixed them in with the potatoes. "Here we go," she said, then smiled up at me, "Some roughage! I love roughage! Gotta have roughage! Mmm, roughage!" She then forked huge amounts of the potato-green bean amalgamation into her mouth until it once again held a larger amount than I ever thought a mouth could hold. Once more, she leaned far down over her plate and spat it out, this time in separate chunks.

She swallowed a fair amount of it, and she said to me, "In an actual orthodontist's office, you can't do that. Spitting out or swallowing the mold. Bad for you and it makes the orthodontist angry. Very angry."

"Got it."

She then gave me a strange sort of smile and squinted her eyes at me. "You know," she said, "I'd love to see a mold of the inside of your mouth."

I smiled back and replied, "Maybe if I ever need some orthodontic work done."

"Oh you'll need some done," she assured me, "Everyone does. You will come to our office, won't you? I really want to be the one to make the mold of your mouth."

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

We didn't have that much to talk about after that, and I didn't ask her out again. I haven't needed orthodontic work, but I've already ruled out her office, in the event that I do.

7 comments:

  1. But... but... the mashed potatoes wouldn't have held the print of her mouth. At all.

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  2. Of course, this all makes perfect sense. And I bet she's reallty into her job.

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  3. She's right about one thing. Orthodontists really don't like it when you spit out the mold, even if it tastes horrible. I had braces twice and both times, it was a bitch going there. Ugh, I hope to never set foot in an orthodontal office ever again.

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  4. Sure, the mold doesn't taste great, but it's not that bad. It's like modeling clay. At least it didn't taste like Playdough.

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  5. I spent nine years as a oorthodontic patient (GOD THE HAIRY HANDS), and I'm with Baku: that suff is foul. Not even nine years gets you used to the taste.

    As for this lunatic, I'm betting she accepted the date as part of a joke between her and her coworkers.

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  6. I only ever had a mold made once, before I got my retainer.

    ReplyDelete

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