8/25/2011

Man Versus Machine

Story Sent in by Kelly:

Franklin and I were out together on our first date, taking a stroll in a small town. The plan was to go for a walk and play it by ear, perhaps including lunch.

The conversation was good for the most part, although his inclusion of phrases such as, "I was one of the smartest kids at my high school, no doubt," and "I was probably more in-shape than all the guys on my college's football team," made me feel like he was trying too hard to impress.

We walked past an Acura, and he stopped to look in its windows. "Oh wow," he said, then beckoned me over, "Check it out!"

In the back seat, there was what looked like a fur coat on top of a suitcase. Franklin smirked at me and said, "Their loss, our gain, right?"

I asked, "What?"

He said, "You want it?"

"To steal it? No! Are you crazy?"

He nodded at me, then gently guided me a couple of feet away. "Stand back," he said, then he returned to the Acura and punched its rear passenger-side window. Of course, it didn't break.

We both cringed. His mouth opened as if to scream, but nothing came out. I told him, "What are you doing? Let's go!"

He yelled, "This thing broke my hand!" He slapped at it, then punched at it again, with the same hand. He then jerked that hand back and punched it with his other hand.

"Ow!" he shouted, "My hands!"

"Stop it!" I said, "Please!"

He gave the Acura one final look, kicked it, then dragged his feet along as we continued down the sidewalk.

"Are your hands okay?" I asked him.

"No, I think they're broken," he said.

"Do you need to go to a doctor?"

He mumbled, "No."

We didn't say anything else, and I directed our walk back to the vicinity of my own car. I told him that I was probably going to go, and he didn't put up a fight about it. I left, and thankfully, he didn't try to contact me again.

5 comments:

  1. And...at no point while this was happening did it occur to you to call the cops?

    ReplyDelete
  2. ^He didn't cause any damage, so I doubt anything different than what ended up happening would have occured.

    What is with these dates and thinking their body parts are broken all the time? I'm pretty sure there was another guy not far back who claimed his hands were broken too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ...I told him that I was probably going to go, and "he didn't put up a fight about it..."

    Hahahah...even if he could he' just hurt another part of his body.

    I bet you he was more of a Mathlete than Athlete.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Imma steal that bitch some shit. Bitches love stolen shit.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ^ My absolute favorite of those memes.

    http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/demotivational-posters-sonnets.jpg

    ReplyDelete

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