Hopefully Not While Delivering an Important Lecture

Profile Sent in by Gary:

About me

I like leaving town whenever I can. Work is a necessary evil, but at least I've been able to find my niche in recent years. I'm an assistant manager at a flower and gift shop and it really isn't so bad. The customers are great.

I never fart. Not for lack of trying. Doctors have studied my ass. I'm serious. You can read case studies about me. On the plus side, you never have to worry about smelling one of my farts because I don't have any. On the downside they have no idea why I don't fart. I'm kind of afraid that I'll explode someday.

I keep a garden every year, but this year has been the best. I've been able to make more salads than you can eat. If you write me with your favorite vegetable, chances are I have it in my garden this summer.


  1. Do beans count as a vegetable in this case? 'Cause I think she should plant some BEANS.

  2. He is probably leaky, look for any other holes and plug them!

  3. Non sequitur of the year!

  4. I never fart, but my breath smells like shit.


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