8/29/2011

Ho'owa'awa'a

Story Sent in by Annie:

Andrew wrote to me online, and after we spoke for a little bit, he asked me out to dinner for a weeknight, after work.

I met him in the atrium of a centrally-located office building. He was in a hula skirt. "Time to luau," he said, "I'm taking you to Anuenue's, the best Hawaiian place on the planet. Woo!" He twirled, and perhaps it was the lighting, but it didn't look like he had much on under his skirt.

"Do you have anything on under your skirt?" I asked him, throwing discretion to the winds.

He lifted his skirt to show off his too-tight jockey shorts and shook his bits around a bit. Thanks for that.

From the instant we walked into the restaurant, the hosts and waitstaff (none of whom were in a hula skirt) greeted Andrew like a celebrity. I found out why soon enough. "I work here," he said as we sat down, "Two days a week. I get the employee discount, so order anything you want! It's on me!" That was nice of him to offer, but I still ended up ordering a modest salad.

Hawaiian music played over the speakers throughout our meal. When we were nearly done with dinner, he stood up next to the table and and hula-danced to the music. A large woman, who was apparently one of his coworkers, joined him in his dance, which soon devolved into a fair bit of dirty dancing, their hands eagerly seeking out the other's crotch. One of the hosts soon shouted, "Get a room, you two!"

They danced into the kitchen and out of sight. After a few minutes, our waiter came up to me and said, "Your dinner's all taken care of, Miss."

I asked, "Thank you, but where's Andrew?"

The waiter shrugged and walked away. I left the table, told the host to pass along my thanks to Andrew, and I went home.

An email arrived from Andrew the next day: "I HAD A GOOOOOOOD TIME! LET'S GO BACK SOMETIME, K?"

I was glad that he had a good time. I haven't seen him or been back there since.

9 comments:

  1. Ah, the Mystery School of Treat 'em Poorly, Keep 'em Guessing strikes again. "I'll go on a date with ya, but if I disappear without word it's because I'm too much man for ya!" In my experience, most of the girls that fall for this aren't exactly "dating" material anyway, if you catch my drift...

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  2. ??? Umm. That was an out of the blue comment. He was just being a dick. No conspiracy going on here. Not to mention, that isn't at all what any dating material advises.(including the one you seem to be citing)

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  3. I dunno about 'treat em poorly, keep em guessing'.
    'Treat em mean to keep em keen' is definitely a much practised dating move however.

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  4. He probably likes big butts and cannot lie

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  5. Relax people. Why do you take these comments so seriously? We're not debating the latest unification theory here.

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  6. @churro

    I PREFER MY THEORIES SEPARATED THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

    Huh, turns out that an all caps rage is quite the stress reliever.

    On topic: She got a free dinner and a show and no one got hurt... not too shabby.

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  7. I'm not sure this is such a "bad" date. Finds a date on the internet turns out he's a little weird but he takes her to dinner and pays for it, plus he gets rid of himself before the end of the date so she doesn't have to deal with him anymore. It's a free meal and someone else puts out for you! If only more bad dates were only this bad.

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  8. Jared, I like the work you put into the title here. :)

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