8/30/2011

Douglas Adams Would Be Proud

Story Sent in by Mercedes:

I had already been on one date with Everett, and he seemed like a calm, low-key guy, precisely the type I was looking for after my recent break-up with a manic depressive. For our second date, he invited me to his place for dinner and perhaps a movie.

Shortly after dinner ended, I asked him if I could use the bathroom. He said, "Use the upstairs one. The one down here is broken."

I went upstairs and found the door to the bathroom closed. I opened it, and the foulest odor wafted into my nostrils. It was horrifying, like the smell of a toilet inside a mass grave. I nearly cried out, and I pulled my blouse up over my nose and promised myself that I'd go as quickly as possible.

There was no toilet paper. I checked around the toilet, under the sink, on the nearby shelves (stocked with towels) and even in the bathtub, which contained a small pile of dirty towels.

I busted out of the bathroom, went to the banister, and called down to Everett, "Hey, do you have any extra toilet paper? You're out, up here."

Everett called back, "Yeah, I've been out for weeks and keep forgetting to get more. Just use a towel."

The towels in the bathtub. That smell. It couldn't be.

"A towel?" I repeated, "You want me to use one of your towels?"

He called back, "That's what I've had everyone do. When you're done, just throw it in the bathtub. I'll wash it."

I had a pack of tissues in my purse, which came in very handy in this circumstance. After I was done, I returned downstairs and he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. As I couldn't see myself with a guy who let toilet-stained towels collect in his bathtub, I made an excuse and left.

I later wrote him an email to let him know that I didn't sense any chemistry between us, and he never wrote back.

10 comments:

  1. "As I couldn't see myself with a guy who let toilet-stained towels collect in his bathtub, I made an excuse and left."

    However, if he had toilet-stained towels on his ROOF, then you'd be married and have five kids by now. It's always the little things...

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  2. I remember not having toilet paper ONE time at my place. I had to take a shameful shower, and from then on I always made sure there was at least two extra rolls. This towel thing is seriously the grossest thing I've ever heard though, by far.

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  3. Funny that we just ran out of toilet paper at home, better remember to get some tonight...

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  4. Maybe that guy didn't know how to wipe his own butt and used the TP thing as an excuse. You can guess how he used the towels...

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  5. "I didn't sense any chemistry between us"

    Yeah, but there was plenty of chemistry in the bathtub. You could have 'borrowed' some of it...

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  6. I remember a story from over a year ago, when a guy visited his date's house. And discovered he needed to use the washroom all of a sudden. So he went in, did his thing, and could not find any toilet paper! So he asked his date to bring him some. But she cluelessly asked him "why do you need toilet paper?" So their exchange went back and forth until she finally succumbed to giving him a towel because that was all she had.

    Can anybody post a link if they remember? Thanks!

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  7. @Dan - Wipe Out:
    http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2010/07/wipe-out.html

    In Wipe Out, she freaked because he used a towel. Desperate times truly do call for desperate mesaures.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @ Dan - That story was the first thing I thought of, too.

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  9. Am I the only one who wonders how bad the downstairs bathroom had to be for him to recommend the upstairs one?

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  10. ^He said it was broken, as in, not working?

    ReplyDelete

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