7/15/2011

Why Can't He Score?

Story Sent in by Keisha:

Norm introduced himself to me online.  We had a lot in common: we liked the same music, films, and we were both into soccer.  When he asked me out to dinner, I accepted eagerly.

At dinner, he told me, "I have a surprise for you.  I'll show you after dinner."  Intrigued, I waited through dinner, during which we had a good talk.

Afterward, he led me to his car and pulled out a soccer ball.  He said, "There's a school field really close by.  Want to play a game?  One on one?"

I laughed at the idea, but I liked it.  I had a pair of sneakers in my car,  so I changed into them and followed him to the soccer field.

For several minutes, we kicked the ball up and down the field, and we both showed off what bad shots we were, even with no goalies to block us.  Finally, despite Norm's concerted efforts to stop me, I kicked a shot and scored.

I thrust my hands into the air and cheered, "She scores! The crowd goes wild!" Norm ran and recovered the ball, then jogged back over to me with it.  I was fully expecting to continue on with the game.

Instead, at close range, Norm threw the ball at my face. It hit my cheek and although it didn't really hurt, it was a shock.

"Ow!" I cried, "What was that for?"

He calmly picked up the ball and said, "You weren't supposed to score before me. I'm just setting the world right again."  He smiled.

"So you assault me?" I asked.

He shrugged and said, "I'd do it again. You'd have to learn sometime. Guys don't like it when girls beat them at stuff. Sorry. That's just how it is." He dropped the ball on the ground and asked, "Ready to play? I'd like to try and score."

"You go ahead," I told him, and I turned to hurry back to my car.

He picked up the ball again and said, "If you leave, I'll throw this at you again."

I replied, "You do that and I'm keeping it."

"I'll take it back from you."

I pulled out my key ring.  "You'll be feeling my key in your face, first."

He laughed. "You wouldn't."

I said, "Try me."

He didn't, and I rushed back to my car and drove home.

11 comments:

  1. Why are (some) guys so fucking insecure about stupid stuff like this? And why do they all seem to think that blowing it out of proportion, throwing hissy fits, or resorting to violence solves anything/renews their masculinity?

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  2. Douchebags will be douchebags.

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  3. This is what having a small manhood will do to a guy's fragile psyche.

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  4. Yea because all guys insecurities can be traced back to dick size *rolls eyes* if that was true I would be a huge insecure asshole :p

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  5. Typical bloody West Ham supporter.

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  6. ^^ How do we know you're not?

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  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  8. Douche once again left playing with himself.

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  9. Did neko just tell us all he has a micro-penis?

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  10. I am suddenly struck by the thought that all of these are blatantly fake. The writing style is too consistent. However, they are pretty interesting mini-stories, and believable in context, so entertaining anyways.

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  11. They likely all sound the same because the same moron sifts through and painstakingly edits each one into good grammar and sensible vocabulary.

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