Thank God I'm a Country Boy

Email Sent in by Joshua:

I'm writing this out of pity so hear me out: all of the musicians you've listed on your profile suck so much ass, that entire herds of donkeys have gone missing. Have you noticed that it's practically all country singers? Are you from Kansas or something?

Only fat old farmer bastards like country music! You seem like a smart guy but this is one of the biggest faux pas I've seen in a long time. If you want any kind of ass you'll change it up.

Something that's always pissed me off about country singers (and the people who like them) is how freaking stupid thay all seem to be. "I'm singing about my backhoe" or "Why can't I find a good country man?" or "Our kids will grow up loving Jesus" or whatever the hell they sing about. Doesn't anyone sing good music anymre? I hat eall the shit on the radio and nothing is good anymore and then you come along and seem great except for the fact that you like country and is makes me so mad I could go punch something. Anything. Maybe you.


(Joshua says: "I live in Rhode Island now, but I clearly state in my profile that I was born and grew up in Oklahoma. After receiving this, I added more country singers to my profile.")


  1. Something that's always pissed me off about people who criticize country music by saying that they're all about "X" is how obvious it is that they've never listened to a single country song. Most songs are about either love or heartbreak (...much like any genre). I can think of one song that's about a tractor, and that one's tongue-in-cheek.

    I don't really care (or blame you) if you don't like country. Most folks don't. But... why do some folks feel the need to make themselves feel better by ragging on others' choice of entertainment?

  2. Kizyr: Baby, I think your tractor's sexy. <3

    I like how she just kept getting more and more enraged as she was writing the email, and how you could tell because her typing just slowly devolved into illiteracy.

  3. Kizyr, John Deere Green is sort of about a tractor, in a roundabout kind of way. I just really love the line, "All of the musicians you've listed on your profile suck so much ass, that entire herds of donkeys have gone missing."

  4. I'm tempted to write emails like this to Hipster chicks that don't have one recognizable artist in their list. I don't though, because their coolness overpowers me.

  5. I was gonna ask, "what does country music have to do with being bitter?" but maybe I shouldn't.

  6. ^^^Great phrase indeed, and Emily's email sucks all kinds of missing donkey ass.

  7. Her email is idiotic, but there's a kernel of truth hidden in there: you can tell a lot about a person from their music choices.

    Full disclosure: I saw MC Hammer in concert with Boyz 2 Men when I was in high school. And I LOVED it.

  8. ^ I feel the same way... it's like, *intellectually* I know the OP is right, but whenever I try to type something supportive I just get this visceral gag reflex and think "Eww, I'm actually standing up for a COUNTRY MUSIC lover."


    Excuse me, my stomach just started dry heaving again... gotta run

  9. I wonder what people would learn about me from listening to my iPod. I'd say not much since I have no music preferences. Pop, rock, jazz, foreign, classical, and yes, a little country. Shit, I even have video game soundtracks. No rap or heavy metal, though.

  10. I wish I could get Emily's contact information and set up a date with her. Our taste in music is something we definitely have in common! Oh and Emily can conjure up some pretty decent phrases too. Emily, I'm officially in love.

  11. ^ Yes, try to solicit dates on a website specifically designed for dating trainwrecks... I feel that only good things can come of this. :-D


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