7/03/2011

Senior Class

Story Sent in by James:

Angela and I started talking online.  She was a publicist for a talent management company and had a lot to say about her job and herself.  I had worked in entertainment for a few years, and so a lot of her stories interested me.  I asked her if she wanted to bring the conversation from the Internet to the dinner table, and she said that she did.

On my way to the restaurant we had picked out, she texted me, "BRINGING SOME OF MY GOILS."  I wasn't sure what that meant, but I soon found out.

I waited for Angela at the bar.  She arrived with two older women.  By "older women," I mean that they were in their late 60s.  One of them was dressed in a halter top and tight jeans, and the other one was wearing even less.

She introduced them, "This is Doris and Betty.  I help get them acting gigs."

I expressed my pleasure at meeting them, but I was bewildered, as I had thought it was obvious that I had meant for my time with Angela to be a one-on-one thing.  Angela said, "I promised to take them out for months, and tonight seemed like the perfect time."

I wanted to ask her if we were going to have any time to ourselves, but there was no opportunity to ask that without sounding rude, so I held my tongue for the time being.  A host sat us down, and Angela, Doris, and Betty ordered drink after drink.

Betty started nodding off, but Doris came on to me pretty strongly.  "Have a girlfriend?" she asked, "People tell me I look twenty years younger than I am.  How old do you think I am?"

"Uh, 40?" I asked.

She leaned over and kissed my cheek, then turned to Angela and said, "I like this boy!"

Whenever I tried to converse with Angela, Doris would butt in and offer her own two cents, even (and especially) if her own two cents were completely off-topic.  What was Angela thinking, inviting them along?  Soon, I couldn't wait any longer and I asked Angela if she wanted to join me, up at the bar.

"I'll come, too!" said Doris, who rose and grabbed her purse.

I told Doris, "There's actually something work-related that I wanted to ask Angela.  It'll be quick, and we'll be right back."

"Okay," said Doris, sitting back down, "I'll have another margarita, while you're up."

At the bar, I asked Angela, "I thought this was a date.  Did I misunderstand?"

Angela said, "They haven't gotten action in years.  I just wanted to show them both a good time tonight, and I'm really glad that you're hitting it off with Doris."

I replied, "I'm not 'hitting it off' with Doris.  She's coming on to me, but I'm not interested in her.  She has to be 40 years older than I am."

"So?  She's a beautiful person who just needs a friend."

I said, "I wanted this to be a date between just me and you."

Angela said, "That would be awkward, now.  Doris wants you, and I'm not about to undermine that."

"I don't want Doris."

Angela replied, "Then you're not going to get any of us."

"Fine."

We walked back to the table.  The first thing Doris said was, "Where's my margarita?"  Angela sat down, but I remained standing.

"I'm going to head out," I said, "I have an early wake-up tomorrow.  It was nice meeting you all."

Doris puckered her lips and kissed at me.  She said, "I'd love to see you again."

I glanced at Angela and replied, "Maybe.  Have a good night."

Angela wrote me a day or so later to tell me that Doris really liked me.  I wrote back that I was flattered but uninterested, and I never heard from her again.

10 comments:

  1. Did anyone else feel really bad for poor Doris? :(

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  2. ^ Seconded. Doris is living in cloud cuckoo land if she seriously expects someone 40 years her junior to be even slightly interested in her. Perhaps cruel, but that's the way the world works. But Angela is the villain of the piece by setting these ladies up for a fall by trying to pimp them out.

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  3. ^Seconded, and great pic by the way.

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  4. I'd still hit it! Add a notch or two on the the gettin laid belt!

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  5. You can always tell how much somebody respects you by whom they try to set you up with. An amazing classy woman with a great personality is a compliment, because it indicates that they feel you deserve the best. A dysfunctional person who was made in a butter churn sends the subtext that they feel you're desperate and can't do better than this.

    Trying to set you up with somebody 40 years older when the date was SUPPOSED to be with the person trying to set you up? That's the approximate respect level of "something I'd scrape off my shoes." Kudos to the OP for managing to remain this polite and sit it out as long as he did.

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  6. No-one said so, but it sounds like this data happened in LA. Doris and Betty come across like needy losers, but that needn't be the case. I've known women in their 70s who I would have gotten with, they are so classy.

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  7. Yes Angela helps them get "acting" gigs

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  8. Doris Day and Betty White?

    Those bitches are RICH!!!! And one might already be dead!

    Dude you were sitting on top of a gold mine!

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  9. I think Angela brought along the "old chicks" as insurance. She didn't like the OP's looks, so she foisted him off on Doris.

    What a cow.

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