7/24/2011

My Sister, the Liability

Story Sent in by Ed:

I discovered Beverly on a dating site and our early conversations went well. However, she mentioned something curious in her messages. She would consistently allude to her sister:

"My sister thinks you're cute."

"My sister thinks she's seen you before."

"Did you ever date my sister?"

She sent a photo along of a girl who I couldn't recall ever meeting. "Sorry," I wrote, "I never dated your sister."

Beverly replied, "She's pretty sure that you dated her and that you stood her up. She gave me lots of details about you: you are employed, you are over 5'5", and you shit daily."

I wrote back, "All of those are accurate, but I think that those apply to most guys, not just me. Are you playing me or what, here?"

She wrote back, "Nonononononononononono!!! I'm sorry! I'm just quoting what she said. Maybe it was all inside jokes with someone else. She must be wrong! I still want to meet you."

I had a bad feeling about the whole thing, but perhaps it was all a case of mistaken identity. Beverly was otherwise great, and so we met up at a coffee shop.

I was afraid that she'd show up with her sister but she didn't. We had a good conversation for a little while, and then her phone rang and she picked it up. It was her sister. She put the phone down and asked me, "Dinah, my sister, wants to talk to you."

I said, "She's interrupting our date. I'll talk to her some other time."

Beverly repeated my message to Dinah, and Beverly said to me, "She says it's urgent."

I said, "No way."

Beverly put the phone on speaker and said to Dinah, "Go ahead."

In the middle of the coffee shop, which was close to full, Dinah's voice rang clear over the speakerphone: "Hey you ass, you might be out with my sister, but you're definitely the shithead who stood me up two years ago. You're an asshole, and if you choose my sister over me, then I'll kill both of you."

Beverly took the phone off of speaker at that point and she said into it, "Want me to pick anything up for you while I'm out?"

Dinah presumably answered, and Beverly replied, "Okay. I'm out on a date now, talk to you soon!" and hung up.

Beverly then asked me, "So, tell me more about what you did in college."

I replied, "Did you not just hear what your sister said?"

Beverly said, "Yeah. We probably shouldn't date, you and I, huh?"

I said, "Is your sister nuts? I'm positive that she and I have never dated."

Beverly said, "Well, she's my sister, so I'll probably believe her over what a strange online guy says. Still, she doesn't get to tell me who to date and who to not date, so I guess it's up to you."

I was very gracious and polite to Beverly for the rest of the date, but that was the last time that I ever asked her out.

8 comments:

  1. How could he have dated her if he stood her up?

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  2. What?!? Why? This girl was willing to get killed by her sister to date you, OP! That's gotta be worth SOMETHING...

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  3. The most shocking bit was that the date responded to her sister's death threat by offering to buy her stuff. Whole family's nuts, bullet dodged.

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  4. Dumb, it sounds like a troll. What is with these dates? Are people just trolling cos its easy to do with a stranger, or are people just freely dating nut cases?

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  5. ^It's generally a mixture of both. Some of these people are genuinely crazy and, surprisingly enough, don't actually include that fact on their profile, so people can't tell until they actually go out on a date or two. But yeah, there's definitely a few mixed in where the 'date' is really just a pretext for messing with someone in public. Cruel, yes, but at least it beats World of Warcraft as a hobby.

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  6. I want to date a crazy. It hasn't happened to me yet.

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  7. I just love the fact that her and her sister both treat "you shit daily" as an attribute to distinguish someone by.

    It's like they sit around talking:
    "Hey, do you remember George?"
    "hmmm... George? Which one?"
    "You know, the guy that shits every other day?"
    "Oh yeah, him..."

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  8. @Shizzy: I also have yet to date a raving crazy. I've put ads up all over craigslist. The best I've gotten in just mildly unintelligent.

    Where's my crazy?

    ReplyDelete

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