7/07/2011

Less Yoga, More Therapy

Story Sent in by Wesley:

I taught a yoga class for two and a half years in a downtown studio.  It was one of the best jobs that I've ever had, and for the most part, it was very rewarding.  The few parts that made it less rewarding had to do with my interactions with some of the studio's patrons.  The least rewarding of these less rewarding encounters was with Eva.

Eva was a beautiful girl, the sort of client who makes it hard to concentrate.  A lot of yoga is meant to teach discipline, but I'm a human male, and I couldn't help but admire her as she stretched before me among her other classmates.  Whenever she needed help, I remained professional, and I kept my inclinations to myself.

One day, after a group lesson, she remained behind.  "I'd like to try the little thunderbolt pose," she said, "Do you have a minute to show me?"

For her, I did.  From what I knew of her ability with other poses, she seemed very limber, although with any new pose, you had to be careful and take it slow.  I offered to demonstrate it for her, and alone together in the studio, that's exactly what I did.

Once I was done, I stood up and said, "You can try it yourself, but don't force it all at once."

She was standing very close to me, and I wanted to kiss her.  She said, "I'll practice at home.  I'll feel like an idiot if I try it here in front of you, for the first time."

I nodded.  She said nothing more.  We looked into each other's eyes.  I kissed her.  Then, I asked, "Would you like to do dinner?"

She smiled and said, "I would."

Dinner went great.  We talked a little about yoga, but mostly about each other, and I liked everything about her that I heard.  Also, I kept her laughing, which seemed like a good sign.  We didn't kiss again, but she gave me a big hug goodnight, we traded numbers, and I looked forward to seeing her in the future and possibly initiating some sort of relationship.

That night, though, after 11, my boss, the owner of the studio, called me.  He said, "I got a weird phone call on my home phone.  Some girl who wouldn't tell me her name, screaming about the studio and saying that she's going to sue us.  You know anything about that?"

I had no idea what it meant, and I told him so.  We had a closed-circuit camera set up in the studio.  My boss never looked at the footage unless there was a reason to, although if he did, I was positive that he wouldn't find anything incriminating against me.  I asked him, "What did she sound like?"

"Young.  Around your age."

I said, "I have no idea what it's about, but I'll be aware of it."

My boss was a great guy, and he didn't make any more fuss about it than was necessary.  He wished me a goodnight, and I went to bed shortly thereafter.

At 2:30 in the morning, my phone rang.  I picked it up.  It was Eva, and she was angry.  "You fucking murderer," she said, "I'm going to sue you, your fucking parents, your precious yoga studio, and everyone you know, you piece of shit bastard."

"Eva?" I asked, "What's wrong?  What happened?"

"You are so fucking sued.  Kiss your fucking yoga studio goodbye, you garbage drug trafficking asshole chicken bitch."  She hung up.  I thought about calling back, wondered if it was all a dream, and the next thing I knew, it was the morning.

I arrived at the studio to find the storefront defaced with blue and red paint.  Someone had repeatedly painted the word "Sued" all over the windows and door, in letters of varying sizes.

I went inside, grabbed some paper towel and window cleaner, and went to work.  I had only some of it rubbed off when the early morning students arrived.  After their lesson, my boss arrived and I explained the entire story to him.

After I was done, he asked, "Did you do anything to her that would make her react this way?"

I had an honest, good faith belief that I didn't.  Eva and I had kissed, went on a terrific date, and hugged goodnight.  I had no idea what would have set her off, and I told my boss so.

He said, after listening to me, "She's probably just insane.  She's banned from the studio, okay?"

My boss and I both cleaned up the windows, although we had to hire professionals to clean the door.  As for Eva, we never heard from her, and she never showed up at the studio again.  To this day, I have no idea what it was that set her off.

11 comments:

  1. What a crazy girl. But I'm with your boss on this. Are you pretty sure you didn't said anything that set her off?

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  2. Maybe she tried the new pose at home, took it too fast, and hurt herself.

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  3. Soooo... dating your students is a bad idea, mmkay?

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  4. She called him a murderer and a drug trafficker. I'm sure there was nothing he did in class or on the date to set her off.
    I am wondering though if he looked a little like someone in a movie that she saw.
    Any way you work this, she's nuts.

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  5. Well yeah that sounds crazy when you leave off the part of the date where you brought her to a drug purchase and murder the man who shorted you.

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  6. Maybe the whole kiss without permission or any prior relationship other than professional set her off and fair enough. She probably should have given you a good slap or called the police at that time. But why then go on a date? I'd love her side of this. Did she feel pressured or afraid and went along with things? I'm sure she could have just walked out at any time. This is definately one where we need her rebuttal!

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  7. Actually, her reaction is perfectly simple ot understand. What the OP didn't know is that after getting home from their date later that night, Eva found a package at her house which contained a crack vial and a note that simply read "SEX PUMA COMING. GRRRRR."

    http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2011/07/night-of-sex-puma.html

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  8. Called the police? For a kiss? It's a good thing he didn't put a hand on her shoulder. The FBI would've become involved.

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  9. This is another candidate for a Bitches Be Crazy label.

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  10. Two possibilities here:

    1). She had a dream (or hallucination or something) after the date and confused it for reality. Stranger things have happened, especially if she's a little loopy already.

    2). She had a great time on the date and when she got home she Googled you and you happened to have the same name as someone else. This is probably the most likely scenario.

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  11. @Andrew

    You may be on to something with #2 there. Not something I would have thought of for sure, but it actually sounds in credibly plausible.

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