7/29/2011

Fruit and Nuts

Story Sent in by Sonia:

Phil wrote to me online, and though he seemed a bit scatterbrained, I liked his personality and when he asked me out to dinner, I went for it.

Just after sitting down together, he said, "I brought you a surprise!" then reached into a shopping bag he had brought and plunked down a stack of about a dozen pop tarts on the table.

"Pop tarts?" I said, "Uh, thanks?"

"I know you love them," he said, and pushed them across the table, in my direction.

I didn't take them. "Did I ever say that I liked pop tarts? I'm confused. I mean, I appreciate the gesture, but…"

He looked confused, then said, "Didn't you… aren't you the one… wait… yeah, it was definitely you. You're the one who likes pop tarts. I'm sure of it."

I replied, "Sorry, Phil. I think you must have me confused with someone else."

He said, "I'm positive. You really don't like pop tarts?"

I shook my head. "Sorry."

"Damn," he said, then took the pop tarts back and asked, "You don't mind if I eat one, do you?"

"Not at all."

He opened one up and ate it, then said, "Oh man, that's good," and opened up another and said, "I'm kind of glad that you're not the one who likes pop tarts. Now I get to have some."

"I'm glad."

"That's right!" he went on, "I'm seeing the one who likes pop tarts tomorrow! I'd better save some of these for her." He opened up another and ate it. "Last one. Promise," he said.

My excitement about him had considerably dimmed, and he spent most of our continuing time together eating pop tarts and talking about the date he was going to have the next day. "Not only does she like pop tarts, but she's also a champion tandem bike racer!"

By dinner's end, there were one and a half pop tarts left. He actually said, "I'll have to buy more for tomorrow's date! Why do they make them so delicious?"

I replied, "I don't really know, Phil."

He paid for dinner and I thanked him. As we left, he said, "Hey, I have a great idea: I'll write you to let you know how tomorrow's date goes. I may or may not buy more pop tarts for her, so we'll see."

"I look forward to it, Phil."

As promised, he wrote me to let me know that he thought that his date with pop-tart-biker girl went well, and that he did end up grabbing her more pop tarts. What a relief. I didn't write back.

5 comments:

  1. You stayed. You are an idiot. End of story.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Does anyone else find it odd when these people mention their "other" dates to someone they just met? I wonder if they do it on purpose to make themselves seem more desirable.

    It makes them sooo appealing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. this guy compulsively eats pop tarts while at a restaurant and you think his lack of conversation skills is odd?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Why did she even put up with him for dinner?
    She should have left pretty much immediately this jerk started talking.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ^ and ^^^
    Free dinner, good story, why not?

    ReplyDelete

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