7/06/2011

The Curse of Youth

Story Sent in by Trent:

I wrote to Marjorie on a dating site, and she replied.  In her response, she asked how old I was. It was curious, as my profile listed my actual age of 27.  I wrote back, "I'm 27, just like it says on my profile."

She responded, "You look way younger in your photos.  You sure you're 27?" I was reasonably positive, and I confirmed it.  It didn't come up again, and I asked her out to dinner.

At dinner, we sat down and she started right in on it: "So, how old are you, really?"

"I'm 27."

"No way," she said, and I pulled out my license and handed it to her.  She read it carefully, then flipped it over, studied the backside, then looked at the front of it again.  She handed it back with a smirk.  "I've never seen a faker thing in all my life."

The waitress came by and asked us if we wanted any drinks.  I ordered a beer, and the waitress asked for my ID.  I handed it to her.

"It's a fake ID," Marjorie said, "He's not really as old as it says."

The waitress gave me a look, and I was forced to say, "That actually is a real ID and I really am 27."

The waitress looked at my ID with care, then handed it back to me and said, "I'll be right back."  She left the table.

I turned to Marjorie and asked, "Seriously, what the hell?  I want to order a beer."

Marjorie said, "I don't know how old you are, but you're not 27.  If you're under 21, I will not let you get me into any trouble."

I replied, "I'm 27, and I think it's time to accept that."

The waitress came back with an older woman, who I guessed to be a manager.  The woman asked to see my ID, and I handed it to her.  She looked at it from every angle, then asked me, "What's your eye color?"

"Brown," I replied.

She handed it back, nodded at the waitress, and walked away.  The waitress said, "I'm sorry about that.  We're supposed to ask for a second pair of eyes if we have any doubt.  What would you like to order?"

I said, "Don't worry about it.  I'd like–"

"Seriously?" Marjorie interrupted, "He's like, 18.  Don't serve him anything."

"Shut up!" I shouted, tired of her silly antics.

She stared at me for a few seconds, her eyes the size of the round table at which we sat.  She wiped her mouth with her napkin, stood up, and said, "Then be arrested.  I don't care."  She walked out on me, just like that.

I watched her go, then ordered a beer from the waitress.  When she brought it, I asked her for the check, finished my beer, paid, and left.

13 comments:

  1. What a stupid bitch.

    You should've asked her age, then kept insisting she was 20 years older.

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  2. I'm actually a little at a loss for words on this one. Why do people refuse to accept evidence that refutes their opinion?

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  3. Because they cling to their opinion, however false it may be, when provided with overwhelming evidence. See Religion.

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  4. I have several friends who people assume are far younger looking than they are. Most people are smart enough to take their word for it or believe their ID but it's still pretty annoying sometimes.

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. I'm 34 and two weeks ago I was carded while buying a lottery ticket. You only have to be 18 for those...

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  7. I had my real ID rejected when I was in college trying to get into a dance held by the college. It was bizarre so I went to another person checking ID's and he let me in no problem. A month ago I was let into a club and was told just to go in, no ID required. It comes full circle. Now I'm sad. I already have 2 cats, time to get more.

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  8. ^How do you get from club to cats?

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  9. I'm just here to second Brad's idea. Goddam what an annoying bitch.

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  10. @Ipdar / @Connie
    I'd venture that it's a reference to the age-to-cat ratio. You're fine as long as the ratio isn't in single digits. So if you're in your 20s, you can't have more than two; once you hit 30, you can get a third.

    Violating the age-to-cat ratio rule results in being labeled a crazy cat lady.

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  11. I guess you could show her your long form birth certificate, but then she'd probably ask why it took you so long to release it.

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  12. Yes it was a "crazy cat lady" joke. I actually have a man so for now the 2 cats we have are fine (although the dog disagrees).

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