6/30/2011

Unappetizer

Story Sent in by Dana:

I was out to dinner with Rob, a guy I met online.  It was our first date and I didn't know what to expect, although we had spoken for a couple of weeks beforehand, and somehow or other, he came across as mature and respectful.

We sat down to dinner at a nice restaurant, and all seemed normal.  When I returned from the bathroom, however, I found a surprise on my booth seat: a wrapped condom.

He greeted me, "Welcome back," as if nothing was out of sorts, but I flicked the condom away and sat down.

"What's with… this?" I asked, pointing down to where the condom was.

"What's with what?" he asked, sweetly as could be.

I replied, "Did you put this on my seat?"  It was entirely possible, albeit unlikely, that it was there already, and that I hadn't noticed it.  Since I wasn't sure, I wasn't about to accuse him of it.

He asked, "What are you talking about?"

"The condom on my seat."

He gave me an aghast look and said, "No!  No, no, no.  I–oh God, no.  I would never do something like that."

"Okay.  I believe you."  I wasn't sure if he was feigning honesty, but I didn't have any proof that he had put it there, and so I had to let it go for the time being.

We went on, talking about this and that, and our dinners arrived.  Somehow or other, during dinner, another wrapped condom appeared under my plate.  I discovered it when the waiter came to take our plates away, and I was stunned, not to mention embarrassed.  As soon as I saw it, I grabbed it and slipped it onto my lap, although I'm sure that the waiter saw it.  He didn't mention anything about it, which I appreciated.  This time, however, I was far more sure about the culprit.

"Are you insane?" I asked Rob, after the waiter had gone.

"What do you mean?" he asked, as if he had no idea what I was talking about.

I held up the condom.  "I didn't see you do it, but I know you put it there.  It wasn't there before dinner.  Cut it out!"  I tossed it at him, gently, across the table.

His visage crumpled into an angry purple mass, and he picked it up and threw it at my face.  I threw up my arm and knocked it away, just in time, then slammed an open palm onto the table, as if to threaten him with… I don't know.  Something.

He sat back, huffed and puffed, and said, "I don't believe this.  I just don't believe it."

The waiter came by to ask us if we wanted anything else, and Rob and I said, "No," almost in unison.  Rob paid for our dinners, and without a word to me, stood up and left the restaurant.  Did he think that I would take the discovery of condoms as a welcome and sexy act?  His level of frustration made me think that, oddly enough, he did.

13 comments:

  1. Another Case of I Just Thought Asking for Sex Would Make You Horny for Me!

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  2. Maybe it was the waiter...

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  4. Is Rob a magician?

    Otherwise I would blame the waiter.

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  5. Condom packets make me hot!

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  6. It seems that you accused some guy of something he may not have done. Then you threw a condom at him. No wonder he was shocked and upset with you.

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  8. Team "It was the waiter."

    It's nice to have an OP be the bad date again. We haven't had those in a while.

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  9. Why in the fuck would the waiter do that? That's just dumb. Why get potentially fired for slipping some chick condoms for no reason? What does the waiter get out of it? He didn't even try to hit on her. I guess he could be trying to embarrass the guy, but once again there's the logic in that?

    It's obvious to me that this dude just thought his subtle plan would work, and got pissy when it didn't.

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  10. Maybe he watched the Family Guy episode with James Woods "oo piece of candy.. ooo piece of candy.." He was trying to lead her to his trap.

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  11. I just want to see what a man turning into an angry purple mass looks like. Did he become the blob?

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  12. ^ I pictured it like a gushers commercial.

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