6/02/2011

Every Girl Has "That Friend"

Story Sent in by Austin:

I arranged to meet Ashley in a small park for the evening of our first date. She arrived with a tall guy in a long, black cape. She introduced him, "This is my friend, Peter."

Peter bowed low to me with a sweep of his cape. I said, "Nice to meet you, Peter." He grinned at me to reveal a set of fake vampire fangs.

Ashley asked, "Is it okay if he has dinner with us? It's okay. He's gay."

He bowed again and repeated, "I am gay."

I said to Ashley, "Is it okay if it's just the two of us? I kind of wanted it to be a date."

Peter asked, "Is it because I'm gay?"

Ashley gasped and also asked me, "Is it because Peter's gay?"

I replied, "No. It's because it's a date, and a date's usually between two people. Nothing against Peter or his orientation."

"Everything against my orientation!" Peter said, and wrapped himself tight in his cape.

Ashley said to me, "I met you off the Internet. Why is it weird that I want to bring my gay friend along? He's just looking out for me."

Before I could respond, Peter reached out for me and said, "I will bite him! I will bite him!"

I jumped back and yelled, "Stay the hell away from me!"

Ashley put her hands on Peter, who snarled and roared at me. She said to him, "Did he hurt you? Are you okay?" She then turned to me and said, "You upset him! Now we have to bring him to dinner."

The whole situation seemed stacked against me, so I said, "I'm going home. Have a good night... together."

Ashley shouted, "He's gay! Don't you remember?"

Then, from behind her, Peter raised his cape, brandished his pointy teeth at me, and said, "I will bite you in your sleep tonight!"

I replied, "You do that, and you'll lose all your teeth, the real ones and fake ones."

He roared again and came at me, but Ashley held him back again, and I took off.

7 comments:

  1. Yet another case of mistaking "vampire" for "gay". Sigh.

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  2. He's the only gay in the village.

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  3. I swear those fucking Twatlight books have ruined vampires for everyone.

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  4. Did they confuse gay with mentally handicapped?

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  5. damn, I would have paid money to see that!

    picklesinmyass.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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