5/23/2011

Meat You in Back

Story Submitted by Patrick:

Eva and I met on the Internet, and I liked her at once.  She was bubbly, gregarious, and a lot of fun.  She was also rather attractive, which didn't hurt at all.  We made plans to meet at a restaurant on a forthcoming Friday evening.

Over the phone, she asked, "Can you pick me up?  My uncle borrowed my car for a week-long hunting extravaganza."

"Sure thing."

We continued to talk all through the week, and the day before, she called to tell me, "Good news: I can meet you at the restaurant.  My uncle came back a day early from his hunting trip and I have the car."

Worked for me.  I met her at the restaurant, and we had a nice time.  Afterward, we went for a stroll around town, and she bought a tall bedside lamp at a thrift store.  I helped her carry it to her car.

She opened her trunk, and what we saw within changed everything.

A bloody carcass - huge, and wrapped in layers of plastic.  She screamed, jumped back, and yelled, "Oh my God!"

It was truly a horror show.  Two large, bloody clumps of… something.  A deer?  No idea.  But I was quick to slam the trunk shut and turn to Eva, who was pale and trembling, up against another car.

"You okay?" I asked her.

She asked, "Will you drive me home?  I don't want to ride with that thing.  It makes me want to puke."

I put my arm around her, led her to my car, dropped her off at her house, and said goodnight.  Presumably, she sent her uncle or another family member to go and pick up her car from where it was parked.

Afterward, she told me that she thought she had smelled something weird in her car on the way over to our date, but she figured that it was just an aroma that her car had picked up on her uncle's hunting trip.  We went out on a few more dates and are friends, now.  Still, it was a first date that I'll never forget.

16 comments:

  1. Um... this story pretty much made my day!


    picklesinmyass.blogspot.com

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  2. Ah, but perhaps he wasn't hunting deer after all. Perhaps he was hunting... The Most Dangerous Game.

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  3. ^ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Most_Dangerous_Game

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  4. It seems to me that step no. 1 upon return home from the hunting trip would be to throw that in the freezer so you live through the winter, not let it putrefy in the trunk of a car. Or am I missing the point because I'm a vegetarian?

    We've got one of those adapted-for-grade-level readers at work with The Most Dangerous Game in it that I give to the elementary kids sometimes. Great story!

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  5. I always find it amusing when meat eaters are horrified when they are confronted by the reality of what's for dinner. She probably had just eaten an animal at the restaurant and it didn't bother her then one bit.

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  6. Stephanie, are you for real? Geez.

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  7. Stephanie is either trolling, a moron, or both. What people want on their dinner plates and in their car aren't the same. I like custard but I wouldn't want to find my trunk full of it.

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  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. Um, enjoying meat does not mean that one must enjoy finding a carcass in the trunk of their car. Take your "holier-than-thou vegetarian" attitude elsewhere.

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  10. Thumbs up to Andrew and Baku-chan.

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  11. Ahahaha, Andrew I love you.

    Stephanie, it's important for omnivores to know where their meat comes from. In this case, she didn't even know what her meat WAS. Quit being a sensitive vegetarian. Agnes FTW.

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  12. Just gotta say: Not all vegetarians are patronizing and easily offended. Most of us accept that meat is a food that humans, as omnivores, eat, and that judging other people for doing so is idiotic.

    Also, judging by some of the stories, a great way to end up on this site!

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  13. ^metaleaf for the win too! <3 I love tolerant vegetarians, omnivores, and carnivores. Can't stand vegans though. Never knew one who wasn't self-righteous. And raw vegans are the WORST. All that nutrient deficiency makes them cranky.

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