Story Submitted by Duncan:

Nancy and I met online, and she seemed nice enough, but also a bit shy.  She said, "I feel weird talking online.  Meeting in person is really the only way to learn about someone."

I agreed, and we arranged a first date at an Italian place that had live music.  Once we sat down there, I asked her, "How was your day?"

"I don't know.  It was weird," she replied.

"What happened that was weird?"

"Nothing.  Why are you so interested in my day?  You have your own life, don't you?"  She then inserted her finger into her mouth and moved it around, as if trying to dislodge a bit of food.

I said, "Um, I guess I'll tell you about my day, then."

"Vomit."

"Excuse me?"

She said, "Why can't we just have a normal conversation instead of this fake bullshit?"

"I'm sorry, I thought that I was trying to have a conversation with you."

She said, "You're supposed to just let it flow.  Don't force it."

"Okay.  How've you been?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "Did you hear a word I just said?  I said just let it flow.  Don't force it!"

"I was letting it flow."

"God!" she said, exasperated, "Just stop talking until it flows on its own!"

I gave in and didn't say another word.  Until the check came, we sat through the entire dinner in silence, like two morons.  I remained there out of politeness, but I wasn't about to cover the entire bill, as it hadn't really been a date, from where I sat.

When I only put in enough to cover myself, she asked, "You're not paying?"

I asked, "Why are you forcing conversation?  You're supposed to just let it flow."

"Cut the shit.  You're not paying for me?"

I shrugged.  "I don't understand why you're trying to force conversation.  I prefer to just let things flow naturally."

"Be a jerk, then.  See if I care."  She threw down money for herself and left with a quick "Goodnight."

Posted in: Stories,Written by a Guy