5/31/2011

Balto Strikes

Story Sent in by Richard:

Janice and I were walking through New York's Central Park in the early evening hours, on our first date. We hadn't even made to dinner, when all of a sudden, she stopped and pointed at a clump of trees and said, "I just saw a wolf go into those trees."

I looked at the trees, then turned to Janice. "I don't think you saw a wolf."

"I know what I saw," she said, "and it was a wolf. It was huge. I want to get out of here, now."

"There are no loose wolves in Central Park. It's impossible."

She went from fear to rage in less than a second. "Are you calling me insane? I know what I saw!"

"It wasn't a wolf."

"It was a wolf! It wasn't a dog, rat, or goat! It was a wolf, it was a wolf, it was a wolf!"

I replied, "It wasn't!"

"It was!"

"Fine!" I yelled, losing patience. "I'll go and check it out!"

I strode away from her, into the trees. Astonishingly, I didn't find a wolf. Instead, I turned back in the direction from whence I came and screamed, "Holy shit! It is a wolf! Aaaaaagh!"

I heard her scream, "A wolf!" but I couldn't see her from where I was. When I emerged none the worse a few moments later, she was nowhere in sight. Either she took off, or the wolf got her. Made no difference to me, either way.

14 comments:

  1. I hope pickle ass comes back to write a comment on this story. She is the highlight of my comment-reading.

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  2. OP was pathetic here. If she says she saw a wolf, then why bother arguing with her? She's hardly going to say "my bad!". Just get her out of there. Either she will be grateful to you for being a gentleman, or she'll have to find another excuse to bail out on the date.

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  3. What an idiot... Coyotes are found in downtown Chicago on occasion, could the same not happen in NYC?

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  4. ^ No because wolves are not indigenous to New York and don't run wild there. The only way a wolf could be running around there is if it escaped from the Central Park zoo (assuming they have a wolf exhibit).

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  5. ^ Not only that, but on the one-in-a-billion chance it really WAS a wolf, they'd be in no danger anyway as wolf attacks on humans are extremely rare.

    This is really about what happens when a date acts ridiculous, is it better to play along and try to salvage the date but risk reinforcing their behaviour, or be honest and sincere and tell them they're wrong? I'd say it's situational and I can't really fault Richard for his choice.

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  6. For the record: I thought his reaction was hilarious. Immature, maybe, but who gives a shit. Bravo, Richard!!

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  7. If he thinks that she is just an idiot and wants nothing to do with her, there's no point trying to salvage something he doesn't want.

    In my ind she is delusional or paranoid at best.

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  8. Umm... Baku and Andrew, coyotes and wolves are not the same animals. They look similar and can breed together, but they're completely different species. I don't know if coyotes live around New York (I read a book in which a coyote gets into Central Park, but since it was fiction I don't know if it was accurate), but I do know that they've come into cities and even attacked people on occasion. I've personally heard of them around Los Angeles, Chicago, and Denver. When I lived in Colorado it wasn't unusual to hear stories of coyotes attacking people in broad daylight, trying to get through house windows, and snatching dogs from fenced-in yards.

    I'm guessing the date heard stories of coyote attacks and panicked when she saw a possible dog-shape. Doesn't make her any less idiotic - it obviously wasn't about to attack, after all - but that doesn't mean she was being completely irrational either.

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  9. ^ Umm... I am fully aware of that. Notice Andrew and I didn't mention coyotes anywhere in our posts, only wolves. I knew that coyotes had nothing to do with wolves, therefore I didn't bother mentioning them. Reading comprehension fail.

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  10. @Baku - Reading comprehension fail on your part, you mean? In your previous post, you had a "^" at the beginning of the post, indicating you were referring to the post above yours. In other words, Joshua's. Joshua mentioned coyotes. Therefore, to me it looked like you were referring to coyotes but called them wolves, as if the two are the same.

    I would assume you would use "^^" to refer to Antole's post, if that's what you meant to refer to. But then that's why I prefer to address other posters directly, so that these kinds of misunderstandings don't happen.

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  11. ^ Oh, tee hee! You so funny!

    Yes, I was responding to that post, obviously. I figured that Joshua had simply gotten coyotes and wolves mixed up for whatever reason. Either that, or he was referring to the concept of wild canines in general. Either way, I felt no need to be all like "Tee hee! Coyotes and wolves be diff'runt fool! I iz sooper genius!!!11!1!" to make myself feel superior.

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  12. hahahahahaah wolves.

    wheredidallthepicklesgo.blogspot.com

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