Story Submitted by Richard:
Pamela described herself as a "country girl at heart" who "loved animals." As our online discussions moved slowly towards the possibility of meeting up, I asked her if she wanted to visit a nearby petting zoo. She replied, "I LOVE THAT IDEA!!!" and so as far as I was concerned, we had a date.
From the moment we arrived at the farm, though, problems arose. It had rained over the past few days, so the dirt roads and pathways were muddy. Pamela took one step out of her car and said, "I'm not walking in this."
It was muddy, yes, but not sink-your-foot-into-sludge bad. Plus, they had done a decent job of clearing the main paths. Pamela, however, stayed in her car. I'm not sure what she had expected. Even on a dry day, a petting zoo can be a dirty place.
I told her, "Let's at least see some animals. We're here, after all." She softened at that and followed me into a nearby barn.
Aside from a few workers, there were no other visitors, which was nice. Some sheep and goats were corralled nearby, and I made for them.
"Whoof," Pamela said, rubbing her nose, "It smells like shit."
I asked, "Will you be okay?"
She said, "No. You don't smell that? It smells like shit."
I smelled it. It was, as mentioned, a petting zoo. I figured that most people dealt with such smells in stride, with the promise of sheep, cows, and goats awaiting them.
A cow mooed from another pen. Pamela said, "And it's loud. All these animals stink and they're loud."
The sheep gathered up towards us at the pen, as they were likely expecting a handout. I grabbed a handful of pellets and fed them. Awww.
Pamela shuddered and said, "That's disgusting! Their mouth slime will be all over you!"
I had to ask, "You said on your profile that you liked animals. What animals were you referring to?"
She said, "The kind you don't have to smell or feed or hear screaming into your ear."
I wasn't sure what she was expecting from a petting zoo. I asked her, "Do you want to leave?"
She said, "Once you're done, and have washed your hands, yes."
I decided to take another five minutes walking around. Maybe the place would grow on her. We walked down another row of pens and she stopped, froze, and pointed. I followed her gaze to a pair of llamas in a nearby corral.
"What the fuck are those?" she asked, as if they were some kind of alien life form.
"Llamas," I said.
She said, "They are so fucking ugly," then turned to me and asked, "Can we get out of here? This smell is going to kill me."
I washed my hands at a spigot, and we walked back to our cars. I asked her if she wanted to go someplace for coffee or a late lunch, but she said that she wanted to go straight home and shower. Thus we parted ways.
She didn't seem mean or nasty, but my ideal woman is one who wouldn't mind the "zoo" or the "petting" part of the "petting zoo," so I didn't ask her out a second time.
Story Submitted by Richard: