Submitted by Architect:
Melissa contacted me on one of the many dating websites and introduced herself. I was pretty psyched because she was super cute and seemed to have her life together. She had two kids, her own home, and seemed, for all intents and purposes, sane. We did the standard email exchange for a week or two and then moved on to chatting via IM.
As our conversations became longer and longer, I noticed an irritating trend: we always seemed to be talking about her.
I asked, "So, where did you grow up?" and she would pour out everything I ever wanted to know about her childhood. But each time, there was no follow up about me. Now, I'm as much of a self-centered jerk as the next guy, and while I liked learning all about Melissa, I wanted to talk about me, too.
The main reason that I noticed this fact is because I was unemployed at the time and had moved back in with my parents to save some money. Naturally, I was pretty nervous about revealing this information because of the negative light it would cast on me. I really wanted to get it off my chest because I like to be upfront and honest. I decided to wait for the right opportunity.
Melissa and I moved on to phone calls but the pattern persisted. If I turned the conversation to me, she turned it right back to herself and her two kids.
For our first date, Melissa scored some tickets to a ballet downtown and asked if I would pick her up. I was really looking forward to the date, but was still concerned about explaining my job situation to her.
I consulted one of my best female friends, Fizziks, on how I should approach the topic, given my inability to get a word in about myself. Fizziks advised, "This girl has already decided exactly who you are even though she knows nothing about you. Facts won't change that."
Friday came and I sallied forth to pick up Melissa for the ballet. I was dressed to kill and she wore a little black dress that looked great.
On the car ride over, I explained that I had no job and was living with my parents. I held my breath and braced for the worst.
She replied, "Last week, one of my boys did the cutest thing..." as if I hadn't even said a thing! I could have told her that I liked killing small animals and making hats for my wang out of their lifeless corpses! She just didn't care. Fizziks had nailed it!
At that point, I completely lost interest in her. We went to the "ballet" which actually turned out to be a kids' production with tinny music coming from one lonely speaker hung from the ceiling. Melissa talked right on through it. "Oh, I should have gotten my boys involved in this! Did I tell you about that cute thing they did last week?"
At dinner afterward (I know, why did I bother?), I asked her point blank, "We've been spending a lot of time talking about you and your kids, is there anything you want to know about me?"
She said, "Um, do you like kids?"
That's it. I was done. I took her home, told her I was not really feeling a connection, and left. Cute or not, nothing could make me want to spend another evening orbiting the center of the universe that was Melissa.
A neato article from the BBC about love 'n friendship 'n how pursuit of the former could cost you the latter.
Submitted by Architect: