Submitted by Laura:
After a couple of messages via a dating site, Phil sent me a drunken e-mails around midnight, telling me how amazing he thought I was and how much he couldn’t wait to meet me.
This was followed by another e-mail sent at 9am, apologising for being, “a bit drunk the previous night,” and sending embarrassing e-mails.
I was slightly concerned, but everyone does daft things occasionally, so I still agreed to meet him.
When I got to our meeting place, I didn’t recognise him at all: he had lied about his height (definitely not over 6 feet tall. Why lie about that? It's not like I wouldn't find out in person!) and didn’t look like his photo.
The first thing he said was, “Sorry, I’m wearing the wrong trousers.” Huh? I suggested a bar over the river, so we walked found an outdoor table on the South Bank.
He went to get the drinks, and while he was gone, I got a call from a mate asking if I was free to go to a gig that night. I said that I was on a date that already didn’t seem to be going too well, but I couldn’t really get away.
Phil came back as I put the phone away and asked if that was my “emergency call from a friend.” I thought it a tactless thing to bring up.
I explained what the call had been about, and he told me that he’d told his mates about me and that they thought that we should get married, as I also liked rock music and had a tattoo.
The final straw was when he knocked the remainder of my pint over a silk handbag my sister had bought me as a gift from Vietnam. I dashed off to try to dry it.
When I got back, he valiantly tried to continue the conversation, but when he offered me another drink, I just couldn’t face carrying on.
I still can’t quite believe that I managed to do this, but I said, “Sorry, I don’t want to waste my time or yours, but I’m going to go now.”
He said, “Right, okay,” and made as if to walk back to the tube with me. Gah, awkward! I made the excuse of stopping to call my mate, and thankfully he took the hint and, waving over his shoulder in my vague direction, he walked off into the sunset, never to be seen again.
Phew. The whole date start to end took 20 minutes, including a walk over the Thames... a record surely?
Submitted by Laura: