Submitted by Eli:
Ellen was a morning nurse at an elderly care home. Thinking this awesome, I asked her out. We had a light dinner during which she spent most of the time talking about herself and asking me absolutely nothing.
After our early dinner is when things got weird. We sat down on a bench in a park, and she whispered, "Can I tell you a secret?"
Secrets are great. I like secrets. "Sure," I said.
"I like being tickled."
That's cool. Everyone's different. Some more than others. Then, she followed up with, "Do you want to tickle me?"
I looked around in the fading afternoon light at all of the children, parents, joggers, and walkers around us. It didn't seem like the proper time or place. Still, she seemed like a girl who wanted to get it on.
"Maybe we could go back to... my place or your place?" I suggested.
She didn't like that idea. "Too early. Would you just tickle me right now? A little?"
Again, I looked around. I poked at her middle.
"YAAAAAAGH!" she squealed, loud enough to turn every head in town. She jumped away and looked at me wide-eyed.
She demanded, "What the hell are you doing!?"
I must have been as pale as anything. I stammered, "I-I... you wanted me to... er... tickle you, correct?"
She leaned in and said, "Not there! That's my most sensitive spot! Try somewhere else."
"Do I have to?"
She nodded vigorously. I tried to wiggle my fingers under her armpit. She had it clamped down tight. I kept trying. She kept squirming. Finally, I jammed my fingers under her arm and she yelped so loudly that I thought she had died.
I took my hand away and she laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck. "That was great," she said, "Thank you."
Yeah she was weird, but the date itself was just not-crazy enough for me to ask her out again. She never returned my calls, though, so I figure she found some feather or something.
Submitted by Eli: