Submitted by Dorian:
My weirdest date (and I've had several that qualify) was probably with Melanie. She showed up with a necklace that spelled her name out with large children's alphabet blocks, like some sort of nursery school barbarian queen.
She was easily distracted and more excitable than a hummingbird on twelve kilos of speed. I asked her if her necklace ever weighed her down.
Her response? "Yes. Sometimes. I don't know. I never take it off, so I wouldn't know the difference."
I asked her, "How do you sleep with it?"
She replied, "Sex with my necklace? What the fuck? Ooh! Dessert!"
After dinner, she asked if we could go to the grocery store for "supplies." Supplies included three bottles of maple syrup. "I can't wait!" she exclaimed, and she invited me to her house to... well... fill her bathtub with maple syrup (and a bottle of honey she already had on hand).
Keeping her clothes on, she slid into the tub and thrashed around, thoroughly covering herself with all manner of sticky fluids. She looked up at me after a minute and said, "I'm not just doing this for my health, Dorian. Get in here."
It seemed like fun, so in I went. We sloshed around together, but whenever I tried to put my hands on her, she grabbed them and pushed them away. Splashing around in a sticky tub together had seemed like a flirtatious act, but maybe this was just her way of having harmless fun. I didn't press the issue and stopped trying to make a move after a few times.
Ten minutes later, she turned to me, said, "Nighty night," closed her eyes, and went to sleep in the shallow puddle of syrup. I asked her if I could bring her to her bed, and she said something like, "Not with that army," but perhaps I misunderstood. Then again, perhaps I didn't. She seemed really intent on going to sleep, and there wasn't enough stuff in the bathtub for her to drown, so I toweled off as best as I could and left.
She never returned my calls after that. Yes, I know it's not necessarily a bad date, but it struck me as a once-in-a-lifetime kind of story, and if that works, then so be it.
Submitted by Dorian: