Submitted by Duane:
Shannon and I met in the building where I work. We work for different companies, but bumped into each other enough in the employee cafeteria to become good acquaintances. We decided to meet up on a Saturday morning for a walk in a park.
The first thing she did when we met up was give me a big hug and she put her arm around me as we walked. Slow down there, champ. I gingerly removed her arm. She put it back.
I said, "We're just friends, meeting up for a walk and maybe coffee. I think it's a little too soon for... you know, arm-in-arm."
She said, "If this wasn't a date then why the hell did you ask me out?"
I explained that I just wanted to get to know her better, in a situation that wasn't an employee lunch line. Surely she could understand that her action could be perceived as going too fast. Couldn't she?
Nope. She said, "You can at least act like you want to be with me. Can we at least hold hands?"
I shook my head. Holding hands? No. I didn't even know her last name!
I asked, "Can't we just take things as they come? I'm not in a hurry."
"But you'll ask me out for a weekend date. If we're not going to even act like we like each other, then how is this any different from work?"
Before I could point out the flaws in her logic, she went on, "You know what? Forget it," and stormed off.
She still doesn't speak to me in the employee cafe. She does a lot of glaring, though.
37 comments:
Dude she was just trying to hold your hand. Chill a little and you'll enjoy life more.
Yes and no Anon, everyones allowed to have their own limits and speeds on what they feel comfortable with. If she couldn't understand and respect that then good riddance. On the other hand it is very...unusual for the guy to be the one to have said limits; but to each his/her own.
OMG!!! not the arm holding!!!!
I think you're the crazy one, not her.
OH NO SHE TRIED TO TOUCH MY ARM! THAT'S MY NO SPOT! RAPE! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!!
I think it would be okay for them to hold hands as long as they used protection.
omg she touched my arm!!
coudies!!!!!!!! NOOOO!!!!
Dude! With the pace she was moving at, you could have gotten laid that night!
One of the really important lessons that can be learned from this site is how important it is to insist on having one's way. For example, if this woman had given in to Duane's belief that it was too soon to hold hands, she might not have learned that he didn't believe in sex until after the 10th wedding anniversary until it was WAY too late.
Ya, Duane is a chump. I feel bad for the girl, not him.
"I mean, next thing you know she was showing off her ankles! Whoa there, this isn't a porno!"
I don't believe that a guy straight out of the 1920's knows how to use the internet. I call BS.
It is an interesting role reversal story though. What anon 1:07 says is what actually would have occurred had the genders been switched.
Duane Alessandro Herbert Mountain Dew Camacho, you are lame.
Idiocracy reference FTW! which is appropiate since the OP is a whiney idiot.
I think he is gay.
Aysel, are you serious or a troll? It's not like she tried to rape him. He asked her on what was obviously a date and she just wanted to hold hands. I agree with the person who questioned whether he is a time traveller because nobody in modern western society (especially a man) would freak out about something like that. I feel bad for her. He was the bad date.
Seriously, you guys don't see the problem here? As far as I can tell, it isn't arm-linking and hand-holding as a prelude to sex that the guy has an issue with; it's the fact that those are things you do with someone you're already dating. It's the equivalent of her calling him "honey" on the first date.
If a guy did something like this we'd all call him a creep, but since it was a girl we're willing to let it slide.
I agree with Anonymous 3:01, perfectly said. If someone did relationshipy things right off the bat on a first date, I would freak out a bit too. Its not about moving things too fast sexually, but moving too fast for the relationship.
Some people are touchy-feely, and some aren't. I'm in the former category: I hug people, call them "hon" or "sweetie" (although that's normal where I'm from), and am generally pretty comfortable with people from the start. Not everyone is like that. I think Duane over-reacted a bit, or at least could have expressed himself a little better, but really, she should have respected his personal space boundaries more.
...and then all the pilgrims come out in the afternoon. Really, do you people actually think that holding hands is the same thing as announcing you have a relationship? I'm gonna hold your mom's hand when I help her cross the street. Oh and if this story was by a girl I would also think she was an uptight weirdo. The guy who wrote this is either Amish or gay.
"oh no, not my arm. My mom told me that's my naughty place."
i love how everyone here is making fun of him. I assume most of you are just so desperate for a woman's touch that you find this behavior appropriate. Holding hands comes after you have sex.
Too much too soon?
More like too little too late.
You missed an opportunity there champ.
Yes this lady was obviously a Stage 5 clinger
Listen I think the guy overreacted a bit, but I agree like others have said if this was reversed youd all be saying how, guys need to know their boundaries. I can recall reading a story on here where the date was at a movie theater and the dude kept trying to hold the chicks hand, and everyone jumped on the guy for being too touchy feeley when she made it clear he needed to stop.
The girl was acting like she had an established relationship from the get go, instead of her making a big deal about it she should have respected it brushed it off and moved on. She was clearly clingy as fuck if she couldnt continue the date cause they couldnt walk arm in arm.
As for myself I prolly would have been alot more flexible about it, but it would have been wierd to me too.
@ 5:39 - Jersey Shore, FTW
Dude, you called her nuts. You come across as dickish and snarky.
Maybe she was smitten with you. You obviously failed to make clear that this wasn't a date prior to the actual hook up. Good going. All your fault.
So some loony decides that personal space doesn't exist, gets way too handsy on a first date, then pouts like a five-year-old when she doesn't get her way, and ABCoTD blames the guy?
There are days that I'm so glad I'm out of the dating pool. If the people on here are representative of what my choices would be, I think I'd shoot myself first.
8:31 - People are blaming the guy b/c on this site, if you're a dude and you don't try to fuck a girl (no matter how crazy, desperate, disgusting, or gay), you are "teh gay". If you're a girl and you try to fuck a guy, you are a "slut". Gender roles are very strict for trolls with too much time on their hands. Most days, I doubt the Anonymouses believe what they're typing. :P
What the hell is a "coudie?" A French cootie??
So the guy had his personal space invaded. He sounded pretty secure to me.
The guys that think he must be gay think that they would do otherwise in the same situation. Those guys also have no chance of getting in the same situation.
Enjoy your Internet porn, lonely assholes... and don't look at any penises: that means you're homosexual.
Troll on!
@8:17 - wasn't "stage 5 clinger" from Wedding Crashers? I haven't seen Jersey Shore, but definitely recognize "stage 5 clinger".
Funny I never thought of hand holding and a casual arm around me as foreplay. I guess I must be slow on the uptake.
This guy would feel much better if he just came out of the closet. He is clearly afraid of people with vaginas.
Duane, we'll still love you, man. You can be yourself from now on, even if you love the cock.
GODDAMN I wish all the trolls would just disappear from this site or there was a way to police it better. It makes what otherwise would be a really interesting forum into just another exercise in stupidity on the internet. Such a shame that none of you LOSERS have the slightest bit of shame or enough intelligence to add something more to the conversation than "he's gay" or "she's a whore". It is incredibly frustrating to see how fast things devolve into pubescent name-calling. Especially when the people doing it are clearly the most in need of a clue when it comes to the opposite sex. Good luck lads! Enjoy prison when you get busted for date-rape!
This girl obviously liked you, good thing you chased her away. Do your parents know you are gay?
3:23, Step away from the computer, take a breath of fresh air. This is not real life.
@3:23
I always laugh when I read a comment complaining about trolls, they always seem to have a reference to losers not getting laid. I think you are the loser for posting about comments that dont meet your high standards. This is the Intarweb!!! Oh, and tell your mom to come pick up her panties.
Hey, if this were a female writing, I think many of us would say "Oh, I see why she was creeped out..."
At least, I would. I totally get why he was uncomfortable with the situation. Maybe I'm just a nun...
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