Submitted by James:

Carla was a pro athlete who swam and ran in competitions.  She was small and beautiful, and she seemed really into me, so awesome all around.

On our first date, I took her out to a bar and grill that had some great salads, thinking that she'd easily find something to eat.  When we sat down, I asked her if the menu looked okay, and she said that it did.

Halfway through our meal, she stood up and excused herself to go to the bathroom.

She came back a while later, looking pale.  I asked her what was wrong and she said that she just took such a big dump, she was afraid that she shat out one of her internal organs.

I nearly snorted my chicken through my nose and couldn't help but laugh.  She became angry and said, "What if I did just shit out an internal organ?  I don't feel so well."

I reassured her that people don't typically lose organs (internal or otherwise) on the toilet.  "Besides," I said, "If you lost an organ, I think you'd know it by this point.  Your body would stop functioning.  Or something."

She said, "I feel really dizzy."

"Do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"No."

She sat, her head in her hands for several minutes.  I gave her arm a reassuring squeeze or two, and eventually she said, "I'm feeling better, but I think I should go home."

She called me once after to schedule a second date, but we were never able to reconnect schedules.  I hope that she found a good doctor.

Posted in: Stories,Written by a Guy