Submitted by Julie:
I met Robert at church when I was 16. Our first date was uncomfortable and awkward. He picked me up and insisted on opening my car door for me to the point of being overbearing. When we arrived at the restaurant, he made me sit in the car and wait for him to come around and open my door again.
I would insist, “No, really, it's okay–”
He would talk over me, “No! A man opens doors for a lady.”
When we got to the entrance of the restaurant, I was slightly ahead of him and opened the door for him, standing aside to let him through first. The look on his face was extremely disappointed bordering on angry, and not for the first time that evening, I experienced a little twinge of foreboding.
After dinner, I continued to break his “no doors” rule and he got progressively more tense. He drove me back home and walked me to the door. As terribly as the date had gone, I still found him really attractive, so I leaned up to give him a quick goodnight kiss. Close-mouthed, no tongue, just a peck. He looked uncomfortable as hell before leaving.
The next day I heard from a mutual friend that Robert had found the kiss “too forward” and I was “too fast” for him. I'm guessing his speed is lost somewhere in he 1950s. Being a modern kind of gal, I broke up with him after less than a week.
18 comments:
"Too forward and too fast"? The guy should have been more flexible and adjusted to your style. Too stiff and too uptight. You saw just the tip of the iceberg. Next thing you know, he would've told you not to have opinions about this and that, as certain topics should not be considered by ladies and you shouldn't trouble your pretty little head.
Wow. I mean, it's nice when guys try to be chivalrous and stuff, but there's a line. We're women, not helpless.
That's the problem with finding dates at church.
It's real rough when a guy is too polite....not. And why would you kiss him if you weren't really into him, regardless of attractiveness? You were passive-aggressive, wouldn't it be better to talk about why he felt he needed to be chivalrous rather than try to piss him off? This is basically your own fault.
I agree with Anon 6:01, sure he may be "lost in the 50s" but this is another case of a date that went bad because of the both of you.
Yeah, I'm with 6:01 and 6:54
Also, I'm guessing he was young. Even church guys at that age can learn to loosen up in under a year if given the opportunity.
I'm pretty sure she wasn't trying to piss him off by kissing him. She didn't reallize she was being too fast for him until AFTER the date.
@Anonys: I wasn't trying to deliberately piss him off. You'd just be surprised at how naturally opening your own doors comes to you when you're not a woman brought up in the Victorian age. Also, I was 16. Give me a break for not having had a lot of experience. He was 20, by the way. Also, the post edited out what I felt was the most disturbing part. He bought me a necklace before even asking me out. That's a little presumptuous, and a lot creepy.
I'm with the first three anonys. I feel I dodged a bullet that would have later manifested as an extremely controlling, unhealthy relationship.
@Anon 6:01
What also got edited out of the original post was that prior to our date, the night we had met had been an all nighter lock-in at the church. We had spent the entire night talking and flirting. I *was* really into him, the date had just gone terribly. Passive aggressive, no. Trying to salvage a horrible night, yes.
Jesus freaks FTW! anytime you agree to be locked in anywhere thats not a jail cell from a night of binging or commiting a crime, I get a little concerned. Also 20 years old going after a 16 yeard old, come on now WWJD.....
@Anon 12:06
Well, I never was a very good Christian. I only went to the lock in because a friend asked me to. Luckily I'm happily atheist now, so WWJD isn't really a consideration anymore, and I'm free to date all the inappropriately-aged men I want.
I can see you wanting to date a 20 year old, its more the 20 year old wanting to date you.....
Good thing you didn't offer him a hamd job! HE would have freaked!
I think that a lot of guys today try to walk a delicate balance between giving a woman enough independence and treating her well. The best dates are women who understand and appreciate that, rather than saying, "I'm independent but I want to be treated like a lady." The two don't always go together, and usually don't.
@JMG, I agree. Which is why you'll never hear me say that. My saying is, "I'm a person and I want to be treated as an equal." I've actually told girls off for expecting equality and chivalry at the same time.
All of this is beside the fact that shouting over me to stay in the car is hardly "treating me well".
...I can hear his parents now after ruining his date:
...."Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver"..
.... ur bad!
the guy is trying to be a gentleman... he will grow up to be an ass like many guys and then a girl will post a comment here: " i met a guy.. he was a real jerk. He didnt even open the door for me... balbalbla"
I'm guessing he's a deeply religious closeted gay.
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